I'm slowly trying to adjust to the fact that in a week and a half I'll be back at work. This is very surreal for me because I have NEVER been off work for this long since I first graduated from college. I last worked on Friday, September 23...that's a long time ago. After the initial shock of not going anywhere or doing anything, I did eventually settle into a bit of a lifestyle that simply revolved around my baby and my body. I lived for my baby. There was nothing outside of that. And while that was important at the time, it's now time to start branching out and becoming a whole human being again - which is certainly the hardest part, as I think anyone would tell you.
Now, I know I'm a better mom when I'm working. I remember going back to work after Katie and thinking that it was weird because it was just so normal. I wasn't mom and I wasn't always on call - I was just me again. It's like there are so many parts of yourself, and after you have a kid, you have to figure out how to fit them all back together again. There's wife and mother and daughter and sister and friend and teacher (and I'm sure I'm forgetting a few) - and it's really hard to find time in the day for all of those. By the time I got pregnant with Hope, I had successfully reclaimed all of my previous self (but, that took three years - it's a long process and very hard to figure out), so I know I'm going to go through that again. Unfortunately, it's my self and my friends that suffer. I can do the work stuff and the mom stuff, but it's so difficult to find the time to do anything else once that's in your day. But - I did it once and I'll do it again (but it may take another three years - forgive me if I'm a bit late at getting back to a lunch date ;)
I've been trying to ease myself back in by making contact with some people about things I need to do when I get back and to cover some classes when I'm at a conference. I've done a few book reviews for extra cash and to get back in the swing of things. It's a slowly but surely kind of process. I'm very thankful that I only have to meet two of my classes in person - the other three will be online. While online can be taxing and annoying, it's at least easy to let go of those issues or turn them off.
I'm also a bit torn because after Katie was born, I would pick her up around noonish each day from daycare to spend more time with her (so much happens in that first year and I didn't want to miss anything). Brian thinks I can do the same with Hope - pick her up and leave Katie at daycare. I think this will be upsetting to Katie and that it's not even an option. Any thoughts? It would probably be one or two days a week picking up Hope at about noon or one and then Brian would get Katie at 4:30. I will be off-campus on Fridays, so I will be home with both girls then (which should help).
Oh my...reality beckons. Am I ready for it?
Wow, already back, huh? Time flies, it's amazing.
ReplyDeleteI think it's normal to pick up only Hope. After all, if Katie were already in school, picking her up won't even be an option, right? Katie now needs to learn to socialize, I guess.
And back then she had your undivided attention on those afternoons. Hope deserves to have that, too!
But hey, I don't have kids yet, so these are just theories ;)