Time is wonderful and terrible - there's simply no two ways about it.
When you're trying to conceive or are pregnant, time can be simply interminable. It drags on to the point where you feel you're about to burst.
Time with children goes by in the blink of an eye.
It honestly seems unfair that time reacts this way.
My beautiful girls are growing every single day and fill me with so much love and happiness (and exasperation and frustration).
Katie:
Is giving us a wonderful preview of what the teenage years will look like - minus the hormones. She definitely has a mind of her own and is too smart for her own good. She can say things that will make you giggle ("Those aren't dwarves, they're childrens") and make you ache ("You are making my heart break!") It's still too early to say how much of what she says that she actually understands, but I'm starting to get the feeling that she definitely has bipolar tenancies and needs to be checked out. But when? When is it not "a typical four year old" and becomes a "mental health issue?" I don't want to medicate a four year old (or 5, 6, 7, etc) She's a wonderfully caring older sister who loves playing with her baby sister and doing things for her. Her heart is so large and so all-encompassing that there are days I wish I could be more like her. She can spell her own name and many other words, she can write her own name, she can count upwards of 100 and she has so many other wonderful skills. In the fall, she'll start Pre-K which is five days a week - half day. She's so darn excited for it, but my baby is growing up.
Hope:
Is no longer my baby. She's getting so big. First of all, she's mobile - and fast. She can crawl faster than I can get anywhere and she's ready to stand. She pulls herself up on everything. She also is the best blower of "raspberries" that I've ever seen; you know mealtime is over when you become splattered in whatever color you were feeding her. In addition, she's learned how to clap and how to wave "bye-bye." Every day she learns something new that makes her a bigger and smarter girl...my baby is growing up.
So, in short...my babies are both growing up. I've tried really hard to enjoy the summer with them. It's been exasperating, exhausting, and totally awesome. Two more weeks remain, and I hope to have more wonderful experiences with my buddies.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Ewwww....
I'm pretty sure I have just sworn off fatty foods and crap foods for a long time (or a few days - whichever comes first)....
My journey to weight loss continues. I am down to 210 pounds. I wanted to be below 200 by the time the semester started, but unless something massively jumpstarts here, I think that I'm going to still be above. I have lost five actual pounds this summer, so that's good.
But here's the grossness...
The fat areas are now trying to find places to survive on my body. I can see areas that are more toned, but then there are areas that still have fat and extra skin. Well, while jogging with my Wii today, the entire time my butt made a massive slapping sound up and down.
Time to buy compression shorts...that was just too gross for words.
My journey to weight loss continues. I am down to 210 pounds. I wanted to be below 200 by the time the semester started, but unless something massively jumpstarts here, I think that I'm going to still be above. I have lost five actual pounds this summer, so that's good.
But here's the grossness...
The fat areas are now trying to find places to survive on my body. I can see areas that are more toned, but then there are areas that still have fat and extra skin. Well, while jogging with my Wii today, the entire time my butt made a massive slapping sound up and down.
Time to buy compression shorts...that was just too gross for words.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Blessings in the family
We were lucky enough to have an amazingly crazy weekend full of fun and surprises.
Friday night, we went to Superhero night at the Discovery Museum where Katie got to make capes and masks and go through the Bat Cave and a Superhero obstacle course. Watching all the dressed up children, and adults, was thoroughly entertaining.
On Saturday morning, we got to see Katie's last soccer game of the season (in extreme heat, however). She's not sure if she wants to continue with soccer in the fall, but she definitely enjoyed it this summer.
Following the game, we immediately hit the road to visit my family for my nephew's second birthday party. In addition, it gave me the opportunity to meet my newest nephew, Walter, who was born two weeks ago. His parents are looking tired, but happy. Walter has some crazy hair - even sideburns - but is a sweet little dude. My nephew Will had a wonderful birthday with great presents and all the people he loved. It was a delightful evening.
The next day, Brian and I had an opportunity to do something on our own. My parents always get us tickets to a Cardinals game for his birthday - typically Cards/Cubs if they can (being as I am a Cards fan and he is a Cubs fan), but the real bonus is that the seats are fourth row off the third base line. We are right behind the Cubs dugout. Thankfully, even though it was a 96 degree day, there wasn't a lot of humidity and there was a breeze...and a nice cool lounge for me to go into when I'd had enough baseball and heat.
We followed that up with a trip to Katie's favorite place - Alfonzo's - because there's a game room that is sensory overload for a kid. While there, my little brother and his girlfriend showed up and we were surprised to learn they got engaged that morning. They have been dating for six years, so we knew it was coming, but it was still a surprise. After enjoying a nice dinner, we put the girls to bed and joined by brother and his fiance for a celebratory drink and had a lovely evening.
And now, we are home and definitely relaxing. It's been a crazy busy weekend, but a lovely one.
Friday night, we went to Superhero night at the Discovery Museum where Katie got to make capes and masks and go through the Bat Cave and a Superhero obstacle course. Watching all the dressed up children, and adults, was thoroughly entertaining.
On Saturday morning, we got to see Katie's last soccer game of the season (in extreme heat, however). She's not sure if she wants to continue with soccer in the fall, but she definitely enjoyed it this summer.
Following the game, we immediately hit the road to visit my family for my nephew's second birthday party. In addition, it gave me the opportunity to meet my newest nephew, Walter, who was born two weeks ago. His parents are looking tired, but happy. Walter has some crazy hair - even sideburns - but is a sweet little dude. My nephew Will had a wonderful birthday with great presents and all the people he loved. It was a delightful evening.
The next day, Brian and I had an opportunity to do something on our own. My parents always get us tickets to a Cardinals game for his birthday - typically Cards/Cubs if they can (being as I am a Cards fan and he is a Cubs fan), but the real bonus is that the seats are fourth row off the third base line. We are right behind the Cubs dugout. Thankfully, even though it was a 96 degree day, there wasn't a lot of humidity and there was a breeze...and a nice cool lounge for me to go into when I'd had enough baseball and heat.
We followed that up with a trip to Katie's favorite place - Alfonzo's - because there's a game room that is sensory overload for a kid. While there, my little brother and his girlfriend showed up and we were surprised to learn they got engaged that morning. They have been dating for six years, so we knew it was coming, but it was still a surprise. After enjoying a nice dinner, we put the girls to bed and joined by brother and his fiance for a celebratory drink and had a lovely evening.
And now, we are home and definitely relaxing. It's been a crazy busy weekend, but a lovely one.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Learning, Growing, Changing....
So much has happened over the past year that I am only now beginning to process a lot of it - what it meant, why it happened, how it happened, and what I learned from it all.
* I learned that bed rest was probably a really good thing for me and my family. It made me settle down and process the coming changes and prepare mentally (although it was physically very uncomfortable). Katie had to learn how to play without me and to do a lot of things on her own. I honestly think this has made her adjustment to Hope so much easier because she felt more grown up and more of an independent person who understood that the baby needed more help. When I look at my little four year old and watch her dress herself, put her toys away, make her bed, put dishes away and get snacks and food, diapers and wipes - well, I don't know what I do without all of her help.
* I learned that you have to ask for help and you can't do it alone. When you do, you're stressed out and it just doesn't work. You become isolated and unhappy, but the guilt is so overpowering you can't find your way out. Again, this was another way bed rest helped a lot. I had to have everyone do everything for me. We had to ask others to help around the house and with Katie. We had to have a lot of help and we're not ones to ask...but we learned that we needed to.
* Which brings me to - remembering to still ask for help. At the start of the summer, we were still trying to do it all ourselves. And then my friend reminded me that she wanted to help and wanted to watch the girls. All of a sudden, we had an hour and a half a week to spend on our own enjoying playing softball and being active without having to worry about the girls. And the girls loved playing with my friend. It was a total win/win (BTW - we totally sucked this season but pulled out a win in our tournament game last night and ended up playing back to back games...it was hot...we had no extra females...and I am now very tired).
* I'd forgotten about taking the time for me. I stay up an hour later at night to read. That, alone, has been a lifesaver and a sanity saver. I got a new bike that I have been riding (until this most recent heat wave slammed us again), and I'm really looking forward to taking it out, both with and without the girls, in the fall. I've been jogging and playing softball. Today, in fact, I am so sore in my calves that "hobbling" would be a generous adjective to use. But I'm making me a better me. I need to remember to continue to take an hour for myself to be active so I'm happy.
* Playing at the pool is not a chore - it's fun. Watching the sheer joy on Hope's face as she sits and splashes in the water or watching Katie swim in her floaty suit and demonstrate her glides and bobs is amazing.
* Gummy smiles are beautiful. Gap toothed smiles are just as beautiful. Giggles and belly laughter are always amazing.
* Crawling makes life a bit more complicated. Two moving children, one of whom can't really listen or follow directions, is challenging. But it's so awesome to watch Hope crawl over to play with her sister...and to see her sister want to play with her.
* No matter whether it's MaMa, Mamma, Momma, Mommy, Mom, or Mother - it's the most beautiful word in the world.
* I have to admit to a bit of sadness...due to the complicated nature of pregnancy and pregnancy loss, I have had to leave the IComeLeaveWe community of bloggers. This was the first place that I found the love and support that I needed to continue on my own path. While I still want to remain connected to that community and still follow many blogs, I feel that posting my own blog is unfair and unfeeling....I will miss such a wonderful community of women.
* Work will be there. Tomorrow and the next day. Students will always continue everything an emergency. I'm the teacher; I can make exceptions, extensions or changes. It'll be there tomorrow.
* It does really take two people to handle two kids. All those thoughts I ever had about three now seem asinine. I don't know what I'd do without a partner - even if it's just someone to lean on at the end of the day and groan in exhaustion. We all need someone to lean on :)
When I look at all the blessings God has given me in my life, I cannot help but feel humbled. How did I deserve so many wonderful blessings and so many wonderful people in my life? My friends, my family, my community - everyone around me contributes to who I am and how I grow as a person. I can clearly see now how God created so much difficulty and pain in my life so that I could learn to grow as a person. I had to learn to be less selfish, less judgmental, more patient, and more loving. How can we ever deny that God is guiding our lives when the lessons become so very clear?
* I learned that bed rest was probably a really good thing for me and my family. It made me settle down and process the coming changes and prepare mentally (although it was physically very uncomfortable). Katie had to learn how to play without me and to do a lot of things on her own. I honestly think this has made her adjustment to Hope so much easier because she felt more grown up and more of an independent person who understood that the baby needed more help. When I look at my little four year old and watch her dress herself, put her toys away, make her bed, put dishes away and get snacks and food, diapers and wipes - well, I don't know what I do without all of her help.
* I learned that you have to ask for help and you can't do it alone. When you do, you're stressed out and it just doesn't work. You become isolated and unhappy, but the guilt is so overpowering you can't find your way out. Again, this was another way bed rest helped a lot. I had to have everyone do everything for me. We had to ask others to help around the house and with Katie. We had to have a lot of help and we're not ones to ask...but we learned that we needed to.
* Which brings me to - remembering to still ask for help. At the start of the summer, we were still trying to do it all ourselves. And then my friend reminded me that she wanted to help and wanted to watch the girls. All of a sudden, we had an hour and a half a week to spend on our own enjoying playing softball and being active without having to worry about the girls. And the girls loved playing with my friend. It was a total win/win (BTW - we totally sucked this season but pulled out a win in our tournament game last night and ended up playing back to back games...it was hot...we had no extra females...and I am now very tired).
* I'd forgotten about taking the time for me. I stay up an hour later at night to read. That, alone, has been a lifesaver and a sanity saver. I got a new bike that I have been riding (until this most recent heat wave slammed us again), and I'm really looking forward to taking it out, both with and without the girls, in the fall. I've been jogging and playing softball. Today, in fact, I am so sore in my calves that "hobbling" would be a generous adjective to use. But I'm making me a better me. I need to remember to continue to take an hour for myself to be active so I'm happy.
* Playing at the pool is not a chore - it's fun. Watching the sheer joy on Hope's face as she sits and splashes in the water or watching Katie swim in her floaty suit and demonstrate her glides and bobs is amazing.
* Gummy smiles are beautiful. Gap toothed smiles are just as beautiful. Giggles and belly laughter are always amazing.
* Crawling makes life a bit more complicated. Two moving children, one of whom can't really listen or follow directions, is challenging. But it's so awesome to watch Hope crawl over to play with her sister...and to see her sister want to play with her.
* No matter whether it's MaMa, Mamma, Momma, Mommy, Mom, or Mother - it's the most beautiful word in the world.
* I have to admit to a bit of sadness...due to the complicated nature of pregnancy and pregnancy loss, I have had to leave the IComeLeaveWe community of bloggers. This was the first place that I found the love and support that I needed to continue on my own path. While I still want to remain connected to that community and still follow many blogs, I feel that posting my own blog is unfair and unfeeling....I will miss such a wonderful community of women.
* Work will be there. Tomorrow and the next day. Students will always continue everything an emergency. I'm the teacher; I can make exceptions, extensions or changes. It'll be there tomorrow.
* It does really take two people to handle two kids. All those thoughts I ever had about three now seem asinine. I don't know what I'd do without a partner - even if it's just someone to lean on at the end of the day and groan in exhaustion. We all need someone to lean on :)
When I look at all the blessings God has given me in my life, I cannot help but feel humbled. How did I deserve so many wonderful blessings and so many wonderful people in my life? My friends, my family, my community - everyone around me contributes to who I am and how I grow as a person. I can clearly see now how God created so much difficulty and pain in my life so that I could learn to grow as a person. I had to learn to be less selfish, less judgmental, more patient, and more loving. How can we ever deny that God is guiding our lives when the lessons become so very clear?
Monday, July 16, 2012
Dead Silence
I know...it's been a while, but I've just been too busy doing life that I haven't had a chance to let you know what's going on.
Two babies have been born into my life. Both are amazing and special and will provide love and challenges in their own way. We are both blessed and amazed at what God provides us, and we wonder how God expects us to handle the challenges that come with some of His blessings. But I know He will provide and that everything DOES happen for a reason.
I am working out like a fiend to try to make a difference in myself for the new semester. Since I'm incredibly bad at taking time for myself or doing anything for myself (it always results in amazing guilt for me), I'm trying to do this for myself. While it may just be my bike, my Wii, and my walking abilities, I'm doing what I can to be a healthier, happier me.
In short - it's been a busy and blessed summer.
Two babies have been born into my life. Both are amazing and special and will provide love and challenges in their own way. We are both blessed and amazed at what God provides us, and we wonder how God expects us to handle the challenges that come with some of His blessings. But I know He will provide and that everything DOES happen for a reason.
I am working out like a fiend to try to make a difference in myself for the new semester. Since I'm incredibly bad at taking time for myself or doing anything for myself (it always results in amazing guilt for me), I'm trying to do this for myself. While it may just be my bike, my Wii, and my walking abilities, I'm doing what I can to be a healthier, happier me.
In short - it's been a busy and blessed summer.
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