I'm not even sure how to go about updating this blog at this point...
So much has happened, that it's difficult to brief you. Let's start with the fun stuff. I got to attend the C's conference (College Composition and Communication) in Vegas (always good stuff) where I didn't get to have the fun and relaxation I had planned on because I spent a bit too much time working with my editors and attending conference sessions, but Brian had a great time at the Hooter's casino. We did walk away pretty much even, though, so what more can you ask for?
At this point in time, I FINALLY have the reviews for the book in my hands. Actually, I have the password to the database to download them on my computer. I have skimmed them as they are pretty extensive (to put it mildly) and have found that people are a lot stupider than I originally imagined (sadly), but that they also had some good ideas. I put a lot of them into an email to my two editors last night and I'm sure their heads are spinning as they haven't even had a chance to read the entire reviews yet. I can't tell if I'm a dream or a nightmare for these people...we'll find out.
I attended a conference in Joliet today about course redesign - combining reading and writing courses into one ginormous course as opposed to two separate and, to the student and instructor, confusing, courses, and, since it was sponsored by my publisher, was invited to be on a Q and A panel. I did literally nothing but answer a few questions about my program during a 50 minute lunch yet I was rewarded with a swanky suite at a lovely hotel, dinner at a (far more expensive than my typical kid-friendly) Italian restaurant, a gift bag, and a Starbucks gift card. I tell you, this gig just keeps on giving. It was insane how much they gave me to do...literally...nothing. It was almost embarrassing.
No...embarrassing was me dancing around my luxury suite with no kids and wondering how to spend my 16 hours of free time. Sleep was high on the priority list but seemed like such a shameful waste of such a beautiful suite. There was a moral and philosophical battle held on all levels within my psyche...in the end, pajamas, Pringles, bad TV, and snacks won out. It was lovely.
Later this month I travel to Boston, again - on their dime. You have to forgive the shock and awe because I know some of you find this typical, but in my field, this is unheard of. We pay our own way to conferences and meetings and anything else we attend - and we don't stay anywhere nice because it is on our own dime. The idea that I stayed in a suite and didn't drive up crazy-ass early this morning is insane. The idea that they are flying me to Boston and will put me up in a hotel is, again, beyond my comprehension. At this meeting, I will be hanging out with the muckety-mucks. President o' the company. President of developmental learning. President of developmental publishing. Several developmental editors and graphic designers. Then some sales and other folk whose titles meant nothing to me...all to help me figure out how to ensure the book keeps selling at the rate it currently sells (or at a better rate than it currently sells).
Dude.
Where the heck did my life take this turn?
I'm a community college teacher. Somewhere along the line, someone confused me with a University professor - and a distinguished one with a "name" in the field at that.
Heh heh....fooled 'em.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
The Never-Ending Holding Pattern
The wait continues...
And it probably will for a few more weeks. I guess I have to come to terms with it. I finally got up the guts to contact my publisher on Friday to find out what was going on and received an email back saying that she had been busy but that I was high on the priority list and would hear back from her that day.
Didn't happen.
Still hasn't happened.
I do know that she's at the NADE (National Association for Developmental Education) conference right now through the weekend in Denver. Publishers go to these conferences to schmooze and push their products and their authors. Theoretically, next year at this time, they'll be pushing me on the public at the Conference on College Composition and Communication (CCCC), which I'll be attending in Las Vegas over Spring Break in March. Since they'll be there as well, I'm assuming they're going to be in big prep mode for their party and their publicity events for that conference (I'm pretty sure it's one of their biggest events of the year), so I'm guessing I'm not going to get any comments prior to that conference either.
I guess the plus side is that I can actually track her down at the conference and force some feedback from her personally.
The down side, of course, is that with each and every passing day and week, we get closer and closer to that June 15th date by which I am contractually obligated to give them a draft of the book or I don't get paid. However, we are now pretty much at March and I have no reviewer feedback, no publisher feedback, and no comments on the TOC or chapters that I actually have edited. In other words, I have absolutely nothing to work on and no direction, yet I have only 3 months to pull the damn thing together.
Essentially, this sucks.
On the bright side, my doctor has prescribed me enough anti-anxiety medication to keep me well sedated and oblivious to the larger ramifications of these deadlines and time-crunches. And I continue to think that this may all be happening for the greater good as the more time that passes, the better my mindset is. I think that as time passes I am more and more grounded about the project and farther away from having taken on the project and actually sent them anything that I produced, thereby actually feeling more distance from it. Now I think I can actually get feedback or criticism and not take it personally or negatively. Everything does happen for a reason, doesn't it?.
And, we have snow, which always has a lovely calming effect on me. Today was especially lovely because it kept falling - I like it when it continues to rest on the tree branches and gives everything that picture-postcard look - rather than that slushy-melty look. I'm hoping that tomorrow the girls actually take a nap at daycare so we can get in just one more day of sledding before it all disappears. We have to head down to see my parents this weekend, and they don't have any snow, so we may miss out on it if we don't manage to squeeze it in tomorrow afternoon and that would be sad; although when you consider our crazy weather, who knows?!
And it probably will for a few more weeks. I guess I have to come to terms with it. I finally got up the guts to contact my publisher on Friday to find out what was going on and received an email back saying that she had been busy but that I was high on the priority list and would hear back from her that day.
Didn't happen.
Still hasn't happened.
I do know that she's at the NADE (National Association for Developmental Education) conference right now through the weekend in Denver. Publishers go to these conferences to schmooze and push their products and their authors. Theoretically, next year at this time, they'll be pushing me on the public at the Conference on College Composition and Communication (CCCC), which I'll be attending in Las Vegas over Spring Break in March. Since they'll be there as well, I'm assuming they're going to be in big prep mode for their party and their publicity events for that conference (I'm pretty sure it's one of their biggest events of the year), so I'm guessing I'm not going to get any comments prior to that conference either.
I guess the plus side is that I can actually track her down at the conference and force some feedback from her personally.
The down side, of course, is that with each and every passing day and week, we get closer and closer to that June 15th date by which I am contractually obligated to give them a draft of the book or I don't get paid. However, we are now pretty much at March and I have no reviewer feedback, no publisher feedback, and no comments on the TOC or chapters that I actually have edited. In other words, I have absolutely nothing to work on and no direction, yet I have only 3 months to pull the damn thing together.
Essentially, this sucks.
On the bright side, my doctor has prescribed me enough anti-anxiety medication to keep me well sedated and oblivious to the larger ramifications of these deadlines and time-crunches. And I continue to think that this may all be happening for the greater good as the more time that passes, the better my mindset is. I think that as time passes I am more and more grounded about the project and farther away from having taken on the project and actually sent them anything that I produced, thereby actually feeling more distance from it. Now I think I can actually get feedback or criticism and not take it personally or negatively. Everything does happen for a reason, doesn't it?.
And, we have snow, which always has a lovely calming effect on me. Today was especially lovely because it kept falling - I like it when it continues to rest on the tree branches and gives everything that picture-postcard look - rather than that slushy-melty look. I'm hoping that tomorrow the girls actually take a nap at daycare so we can get in just one more day of sledding before it all disappears. We have to head down to see my parents this weekend, and they don't have any snow, so we may miss out on it if we don't manage to squeeze it in tomorrow afternoon and that would be sad; although when you consider our crazy weather, who knows?!
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
My Wandering Mind...
Still waiting.
No word.
I have absolutely no idea when I will hear anything about this book.
At this point, I think I may have almost reached a point where I've made peace with the fact that comments and ideas are coming and have come to a place where I'm ready for them. Perhaps I have swung around full circle and made it to a good place. Maybe enough time has passed that I've gone through the mania and the depression and made it to a nice neutral space where I'll be able to handle the feedback and comments in a calm and rational manner.
Or, maybe I'll still get them and totally freak out and have no idea how to handle them.
In any case, we talked to our tax guy yesterday and tried to figure out the different ways we'll deal with this next year. At the moment, we'll be calling it "extra income," however, if I continue to do it in the future and royalties become part of the deal, and they're significant in any way, then I think we'll have to start calling me a "small business owner." This whole thing just becomes weirder and weirder every day.
In other news, there are a couple of shows coming up at the community theater that I've been thinking about doing. One is clearly a better fit than the other, but there's conditions to both. One is a lab show, which means it runs for only one weekend and has a rehearsal schedule of just a bit over a month. Obviously, this would be a better fit because it isn't a huge time commitment. The problem is that I have a conference in the middle which would require me to be gone for a week, so we'll have to see if the directory is cool with that. This would be a review show, so that would be nice as well - just a collection of songs - no real plot or show to speak of.
The other would be an actual show - The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. We'd be looking at about 8 weeks of rehearsal and three weekends for the show. It's a small cast - I think about a dozen people - which would be nice and might allow for fewer rehearsals, but it's a bigger commitment which could drive me crazy with the book. I'm not entirely sure if I should even think about this one, but if the first one doesn't work out, I'm seriously considering it. I know I need to do something that gets me out of the house and that isn't work related, but I'm afraid of overloading myself and being stressed out....
It's just the damn not knowing of this book. I know I'll have to have a draft done by June 15 and with each passing day that deadline gets closer, yet I have nothing to work on.
Also, don't hate me, but I wish we'd have the winter storm they're predicting for Thursday (although it looks less likely by the day). Katie desperately wants to go sledding and hasn't been able to. I don't want any more than one day of snow (or one weekend at most), but this would be a nice time for it.
Breathe in - breathe out. I'm getting there.
No word.
I have absolutely no idea when I will hear anything about this book.
At this point, I think I may have almost reached a point where I've made peace with the fact that comments and ideas are coming and have come to a place where I'm ready for them. Perhaps I have swung around full circle and made it to a good place. Maybe enough time has passed that I've gone through the mania and the depression and made it to a nice neutral space where I'll be able to handle the feedback and comments in a calm and rational manner.
Or, maybe I'll still get them and totally freak out and have no idea how to handle them.
In any case, we talked to our tax guy yesterday and tried to figure out the different ways we'll deal with this next year. At the moment, we'll be calling it "extra income," however, if I continue to do it in the future and royalties become part of the deal, and they're significant in any way, then I think we'll have to start calling me a "small business owner." This whole thing just becomes weirder and weirder every day.
In other news, there are a couple of shows coming up at the community theater that I've been thinking about doing. One is clearly a better fit than the other, but there's conditions to both. One is a lab show, which means it runs for only one weekend and has a rehearsal schedule of just a bit over a month. Obviously, this would be a better fit because it isn't a huge time commitment. The problem is that I have a conference in the middle which would require me to be gone for a week, so we'll have to see if the directory is cool with that. This would be a review show, so that would be nice as well - just a collection of songs - no real plot or show to speak of.
The other would be an actual show - The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. We'd be looking at about 8 weeks of rehearsal and three weekends for the show. It's a small cast - I think about a dozen people - which would be nice and might allow for fewer rehearsals, but it's a bigger commitment which could drive me crazy with the book. I'm not entirely sure if I should even think about this one, but if the first one doesn't work out, I'm seriously considering it. I know I need to do something that gets me out of the house and that isn't work related, but I'm afraid of overloading myself and being stressed out....
It's just the damn not knowing of this book. I know I'll have to have a draft done by June 15 and with each passing day that deadline gets closer, yet I have nothing to work on.
Also, don't hate me, but I wish we'd have the winter storm they're predicting for Thursday (although it looks less likely by the day). Katie desperately wants to go sledding and hasn't been able to. I don't want any more than one day of snow (or one weekend at most), but this would be a nice time for it.
Breathe in - breathe out. I'm getting there.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Damn
As is the life in bipolar land...the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction.
We have reached the zone of depression. God I love this disorder. In it's predictability, it is frustrating in the extreme because you know what is going to come...yet you know not when.
All those months and months of terrible anxiety...all those days of wanting to chew my fingers off waiting for feedback and news...all those nights lying awake awaiting news...they've all led to this moment. I suppose in a way I knew it was coming, but it's been so long since my manias have led to a true depression that I pushed it to the back of my mind. I assumed I was immune. After so many manias and fighting off so much anxiety, I assumed there woudn't be that downward spiral that should typically follow that mania. I assumed I was safe and that controlling the anxieyt and the mania would be enough.
Well, we all know what assuming make us, don't we?
Damn.. That's all I have to say.
A couple of weeks ago, at the height of my mania and anxiety, I met again with my doctor because it was simply too terrible. I couldn't deal with the daily anxiety and hyped up energy that was pent up inside of me. Being a person who teaches communication and who tries to teach my students how to be good communicators, I'm having a great deal of difficulty dealing with a publisher who goes into complete radio silence. I mean, when we discussed what changes she'd like me to make (let's remember those helpful comments I received - "work on" chapter 2), that was the last I heard from her. I sent her two chapters and a table of contents over three weeks ago. I've heard nothing.
No - "thanks - got it."
No - "waiting on delayed reviews."
No - "be with you in a couple weeks."
Literally, I have heard nothing.
For a person who generally deals with free floating anxiety, OCD, and other issues, this is a worst case scenario. I don't even want to tell you want scenarios my mind has come up with to dwell on and worry about in the mean-time.
Each day that passes is another day that brings three different feelings:
1) what's wrong?
2) when will it come and how much will it entail?
3) thank God!
But, after the sleep deprivation of this week and the anxiety that has been a pretty stable constant in my life since I landed this job in December, I think I crashed about mid-last week. And I crashed hard.
It's difficult to get out of bed..or teach...or care. And I know I need to and I know it's just the depression swing of the whole bipolar lifestyle and that it will swing back to normal here very soon.
But it sucks.
And having my kids be sick and being stuck in the house all weekend while they're driving each other (and, subsequently, us, up the wall) is not helping.
I need to get out of bed and function. I need to teach my classes and enjoy it. I need to have fun with my kids. I need to pull out of this.
And I need to quit posting depressing blog posts.
Damn winter....you suck.
We have reached the zone of depression. God I love this disorder. In it's predictability, it is frustrating in the extreme because you know what is going to come...yet you know not when.
All those months and months of terrible anxiety...all those days of wanting to chew my fingers off waiting for feedback and news...all those nights lying awake awaiting news...they've all led to this moment. I suppose in a way I knew it was coming, but it's been so long since my manias have led to a true depression that I pushed it to the back of my mind. I assumed I was immune. After so many manias and fighting off so much anxiety, I assumed there woudn't be that downward spiral that should typically follow that mania. I assumed I was safe and that controlling the anxieyt and the mania would be enough.
Well, we all know what assuming make us, don't we?
Damn.. That's all I have to say.
A couple of weeks ago, at the height of my mania and anxiety, I met again with my doctor because it was simply too terrible. I couldn't deal with the daily anxiety and hyped up energy that was pent up inside of me. Being a person who teaches communication and who tries to teach my students how to be good communicators, I'm having a great deal of difficulty dealing with a publisher who goes into complete radio silence. I mean, when we discussed what changes she'd like me to make (let's remember those helpful comments I received - "work on" chapter 2), that was the last I heard from her. I sent her two chapters and a table of contents over three weeks ago. I've heard nothing.
No - "thanks - got it."
No - "waiting on delayed reviews."
No - "be with you in a couple weeks."
Literally, I have heard nothing.
For a person who generally deals with free floating anxiety, OCD, and other issues, this is a worst case scenario. I don't even want to tell you want scenarios my mind has come up with to dwell on and worry about in the mean-time.
Each day that passes is another day that brings three different feelings:
1) what's wrong?
2) when will it come and how much will it entail?
3) thank God!
But, after the sleep deprivation of this week and the anxiety that has been a pretty stable constant in my life since I landed this job in December, I think I crashed about mid-last week. And I crashed hard.
It's difficult to get out of bed..or teach...or care. And I know I need to and I know it's just the depression swing of the whole bipolar lifestyle and that it will swing back to normal here very soon.
But it sucks.
And having my kids be sick and being stuck in the house all weekend while they're driving each other (and, subsequently, us, up the wall) is not helping.
I need to get out of bed and function. I need to teach my classes and enjoy it. I need to have fun with my kids. I need to pull out of this.
And I need to quit posting depressing blog posts.
Damn winter....you suck.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
My Long Week
I know I've shared this before, but this has been yet another week where I feel that I can best use my favorite phrase from an older TV show, "The Drew Carey Show" -
"I'm Drew Carey - God's hackey-sack."
Sometimes in life, this feels far more applicable than others and this has just been one of those weeks.
It all started on Friday when Brian brought the girls home from daycare and Hope was sounding rough. She was congested and her cough really didn't sound good - more wheezy and gaspy than a traditional cough. So, knowing that we were fast approaching the weekend, we gathered up our things and high-tailed it for the walk-in clinic to see a doctor before the 6:00 deadline. Once there, we found she had a very low grade fever and an ear infection. The doctor said her lungs were clear, but that he'd give her some amoxicillan so that way even if there was something bothering her lungs, the antibiotic should take care of both issues.
Saturday, the girls were due to spend the night at Brian's parents' house - and we were finally due to have an evening to ourselves (something that we haven't had in...oh...well, let's just say I can't remember when). I was concerned because Hope hadn't sounded good and I was reluctant to let her go, but after a nap and a few doses of her medicine, she seemed to be in good spirits and as good as she would be with or without us. Their plan was just to have dinner at home and bake cookies, so it seemed to be a no harm plan, and we desperately needed the break, so we let them go with the warning that she needed plenty of rest and fluids.
On Sunday, she again seemed to be in good spirits and pretty good. A bit of a cough, but nothing much, and not much appetite. However, when we got home later that evening, she started having violent coughing fits and couldn't catch her breath. Then, when she was sitting with me, she sounded like she was having a difficult time breathing. So, I called the doctor's line and they told me to take her to the E.R. Brian and I went back and forth for about an hour on whether or not this was necessary. He claims I did not say that the nurse said we had to go to the E.R. - apparently, he heard that we were supposed to watch for certain things and then go. I heard the nurse say that we needed to be checked out and needed to go at that point. In any case, after finally clearing up our communication issues, we went.
It was a looooooooooooooooooooooong night. There really aren't enough "o"s for that. It was abnormally hot and stuffy in there and we were in a room right by the entry doors and had no curtain or door to our room. Hope couldn't walk around, nor was the bed big enough for her to lay comfortably as she squirmed. There were very few nurses on duty and apparently one doctor, so they were completely short stafffed (I know this is a typical problem, but not usually one we run into - this hospital usually has wonderful service, so it was sadly frustrating). They checked her out (she screamed); got her x-rayed (pathetic and she screamed); gave her a nebulizer treatment (she screamed); and gave her a popsicle she wouldn't eat and gatorade and milk she wouldn't really drink and determined that she had a haze in her lungs that looked like a virus. At this point, apparently someone in a nearby room crashed (we heard a code blue of some kind) and people came running from all over the hospital and we waited for a few hours as they had to stabilize that patient and the, apparently life-flight them out. While frustrating, understandable...but my daughter was screaming and I was tired and hot. At about 1am (we got there about 8), they gave us a new antibiotic and discharged us with the diagnosis of ear infection with possible bronchial virus. At this point, I still had to drive across town to the one 24 hour pharmacy to fill that prescription...drive around for 15 minutes while they filled it...and then drive home. About 2:30am we made it home and to bed.
The next day, Hope was still in good spirits and wanting to play - tired but in a good mood. But there was no eating or drinking. And no wet diapers. Not even from over night. We fought this battle all morning until I called Brian in frustration and had him come home at 1. I went to sleep and he took over. He apparently called the doctor at this point who had him come in; dehydration and RSV were finally diagnosed and Hope was then admitted to the hospital.
I never want to do that again. Brian would have stayed with her, but there's no way I could have left her. Thankfully, she had a private room with her own cage to sleep in - an honest to God, floor to ceiling metal cage - and a super-comfy (not) cot for me. She had to keep a pulse-oxygen meter on her foot the whole time she was there, so she really couldn't walk around (try keeping a 1 year old still) and she was hooked to an IV the whole time (super traumatic - 3 nurses and I had to hold her down, and when she pulled it out halfway through the night, we had to do it again. And this is not a short process - they have to put numbing cream on them first, and this has to sit for 30-60 minutes prior to inserting the IV; I'd say the cream pissed her off more than the IV. But it was more frustrating to know that when she pulled the IV out at 10pm that we would have to wait for them to call the doctor for orders to put it back in, then sit with the cream for another hour, and then put the damn thing back in - again, a long night). All she wanted to do was yank on the tubes and run around. It was more exhausting trying to keep her still than anything else.
Above all, it was worth it to see the change the fluids made in her - just the change from early evening to early morning was amazing. Her fever disappeared and she started eating once she had a bag and a half of fluid in her. And her mood went from good to really happy. It was nice to see her feeling so much better. But it's true - no one sleeps well in a hospital - no matter how old your are or what the circumstances, and I don't want to go back there any time soon. I am happy that it was a simple matter like dehydration. When I looked at the board and saw all the other reasons people were there or when I think about the people I know and the experiences they have been through, I have a completely new understanding and appreciation for just how hard that is for them and just how strong they are. I think that this week was a way of putting a lot of things in perspective for me and a way of showing me how to set some limits and priorities, so in that way it was really good.
In any case, we're all home and relatively healthy. Katie may be coming down with that flu bug, but we're going to hope it's just some exhuastion after a hectic week. Hope is still trying to catch up on her sleep, as are the rest of us, and is still not back to full health. We're watching her eating and drinking - she's still not quite up to par - and her cough is still nasty, but she's improving. We do need to figure out ways to get her to drink. She's a milk girl - which is a good thing; typically you don't want sugar, but we can't ever get her to drink other things. No juice, water, gatorade, pedialyte, soda - no jello, popsicles - nothing that hydrates. Some fruits. We need to figure this out before summer because I am not doing this again.
In any case, our Valentine's present to each other is sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. Like by 8pm tonight sleep. And I love it - best present ever :)
"I'm Drew Carey - God's hackey-sack."
Sometimes in life, this feels far more applicable than others and this has just been one of those weeks.
It all started on Friday when Brian brought the girls home from daycare and Hope was sounding rough. She was congested and her cough really didn't sound good - more wheezy and gaspy than a traditional cough. So, knowing that we were fast approaching the weekend, we gathered up our things and high-tailed it for the walk-in clinic to see a doctor before the 6:00 deadline. Once there, we found she had a very low grade fever and an ear infection. The doctor said her lungs were clear, but that he'd give her some amoxicillan so that way even if there was something bothering her lungs, the antibiotic should take care of both issues.
Saturday, the girls were due to spend the night at Brian's parents' house - and we were finally due to have an evening to ourselves (something that we haven't had in...oh...well, let's just say I can't remember when). I was concerned because Hope hadn't sounded good and I was reluctant to let her go, but after a nap and a few doses of her medicine, she seemed to be in good spirits and as good as she would be with or without us. Their plan was just to have dinner at home and bake cookies, so it seemed to be a no harm plan, and we desperately needed the break, so we let them go with the warning that she needed plenty of rest and fluids.
On Sunday, she again seemed to be in good spirits and pretty good. A bit of a cough, but nothing much, and not much appetite. However, when we got home later that evening, she started having violent coughing fits and couldn't catch her breath. Then, when she was sitting with me, she sounded like she was having a difficult time breathing. So, I called the doctor's line and they told me to take her to the E.R. Brian and I went back and forth for about an hour on whether or not this was necessary. He claims I did not say that the nurse said we had to go to the E.R. - apparently, he heard that we were supposed to watch for certain things and then go. I heard the nurse say that we needed to be checked out and needed to go at that point. In any case, after finally clearing up our communication issues, we went.
It was a looooooooooooooooooooooong night. There really aren't enough "o"s for that. It was abnormally hot and stuffy in there and we were in a room right by the entry doors and had no curtain or door to our room. Hope couldn't walk around, nor was the bed big enough for her to lay comfortably as she squirmed. There were very few nurses on duty and apparently one doctor, so they were completely short stafffed (I know this is a typical problem, but not usually one we run into - this hospital usually has wonderful service, so it was sadly frustrating). They checked her out (she screamed); got her x-rayed (pathetic and she screamed); gave her a nebulizer treatment (she screamed); and gave her a popsicle she wouldn't eat and gatorade and milk she wouldn't really drink and determined that she had a haze in her lungs that looked like a virus. At this point, apparently someone in a nearby room crashed (we heard a code blue of some kind) and people came running from all over the hospital and we waited for a few hours as they had to stabilize that patient and the, apparently life-flight them out. While frustrating, understandable...but my daughter was screaming and I was tired and hot. At about 1am (we got there about 8), they gave us a new antibiotic and discharged us with the diagnosis of ear infection with possible bronchial virus. At this point, I still had to drive across town to the one 24 hour pharmacy to fill that prescription...drive around for 15 minutes while they filled it...and then drive home. About 2:30am we made it home and to bed.
The next day, Hope was still in good spirits and wanting to play - tired but in a good mood. But there was no eating or drinking. And no wet diapers. Not even from over night. We fought this battle all morning until I called Brian in frustration and had him come home at 1. I went to sleep and he took over. He apparently called the doctor at this point who had him come in; dehydration and RSV were finally diagnosed and Hope was then admitted to the hospital.
I never want to do that again. Brian would have stayed with her, but there's no way I could have left her. Thankfully, she had a private room with her own cage to sleep in - an honest to God, floor to ceiling metal cage - and a super-comfy (not) cot for me. She had to keep a pulse-oxygen meter on her foot the whole time she was there, so she really couldn't walk around (try keeping a 1 year old still) and she was hooked to an IV the whole time (super traumatic - 3 nurses and I had to hold her down, and when she pulled it out halfway through the night, we had to do it again. And this is not a short process - they have to put numbing cream on them first, and this has to sit for 30-60 minutes prior to inserting the IV; I'd say the cream pissed her off more than the IV. But it was more frustrating to know that when she pulled the IV out at 10pm that we would have to wait for them to call the doctor for orders to put it back in, then sit with the cream for another hour, and then put the damn thing back in - again, a long night). All she wanted to do was yank on the tubes and run around. It was more exhausting trying to keep her still than anything else.
Above all, it was worth it to see the change the fluids made in her - just the change from early evening to early morning was amazing. Her fever disappeared and she started eating once she had a bag and a half of fluid in her. And her mood went from good to really happy. It was nice to see her feeling so much better. But it's true - no one sleeps well in a hospital - no matter how old your are or what the circumstances, and I don't want to go back there any time soon. I am happy that it was a simple matter like dehydration. When I looked at the board and saw all the other reasons people were there or when I think about the people I know and the experiences they have been through, I have a completely new understanding and appreciation for just how hard that is for them and just how strong they are. I think that this week was a way of putting a lot of things in perspective for me and a way of showing me how to set some limits and priorities, so in that way it was really good.
In any case, we're all home and relatively healthy. Katie may be coming down with that flu bug, but we're going to hope it's just some exhuastion after a hectic week. Hope is still trying to catch up on her sleep, as are the rest of us, and is still not back to full health. We're watching her eating and drinking - she's still not quite up to par - and her cough is still nasty, but she's improving. We do need to figure out ways to get her to drink. She's a milk girl - which is a good thing; typically you don't want sugar, but we can't ever get her to drink other things. No juice, water, gatorade, pedialyte, soda - no jello, popsicles - nothing that hydrates. Some fruits. We need to figure this out before summer because I am not doing this again.
In any case, our Valentine's present to each other is sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. Like by 8pm tonight sleep. And I love it - best present ever :)
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
My world of anxiety
Continues....
Last week I had my first "official" meeting with the publisher. We met on the phone even though we technically had nothing to discuss yet. I had only just signed the contract and put it in the mail - they hadn't received it yet and I hadn't gotten my signing bonus (which really, let's face it, is clearly the most important part of this scenario), but more importantly, the reviews weren't in yet.
Publishers ask instructors to review textbooks on a yearly basis - instructors are paid for these reviews. Some of the instructors who submit reviews are using the textbook and some are not. Some are genuinely interested in making the book better and some just want the cash.
I was one of those reviewers who just wanted cash - yet, somehow I ended up with this textbook deal out of all of those reviews. Who knew my half-assed reviews would land me in this position?
In any case, the reviews were apparently due this week, but I was warned that instructors, much like students, do not pay close attention to due dates - even though MONEY is involved. So they'll trickle in slowly. Once they are in, the publisher will compile the results and send them on to me along with a synopsis of what they believe should be changed in this new edition of the book. At that point, I'll be given the chance to agree or disagree and add in my own suggestions. I assume this will happen throughout February, although I have no real idea.
Last Tuesday, in order to give me "something to work on," the publisher, we'll call her "A" for my own sake, told me she would carefully go over the first chapter I submitted and send notes and that I should "work on the second chapter" and the Table of Contents.
I'm going to try to go over this without being too technical as this gets a bit crazy.
I submitted an original Table of Contents (TOC) during the interview process that was my ideal book - what the book should look like if it was up to date and in keeping with current pedagogy and methods. Unfortunately, that doesn't look a lot like the original book. When I was interviewing, I was asked to send a sample chapter from the TOC; when I did, I was sent back a message saying "thanks but no thanks - you don't understand that we want a revision and not a new book." Well, that night I quickly sat down and dashed out an entirely new chapter and sent it to A - that one she liked and that was how I got the job offer.
It is this chapter, incidentally, that she is now looking at and probably marking the hell out of...it was, after all, written in an evening.
This TOC, unfortunately, was the one in our contract and the one we discussed on the phone. She keeps talking about how we need to create this book yet keep the original so we don't lose any of the people who currently buy this book (remember, I'm being asked to create the 6th edition) and I keep telling her I can't give her that particular TOC and the original book - they are two different entities.
So, I basically sent her the original TOC from the original book with some small changes and some changes to the wording along with an eloquently phrased note about how terminology makes all the difference and how this marriage of the two TOC's is the best way to keep existing users while bringing in new ones.
Then I had to "work on" chapter 2. That was all the revision advice I got - "work on" it. WTF? So I sent that to her as well.
And I'm waiting on comments from that one-nighter chapter.
Since I have yet to hear back from her and I sent all this last week, I'm assuming I will be slammed with all of this feedback plus all the review feedback in one fell swoop. That shouldn't be overwhelming at all.
In other news, my anxiety has allowed me to lose ten pounds. I am looking on the bright side and calling this a win.
Last week I had my first "official" meeting with the publisher. We met on the phone even though we technically had nothing to discuss yet. I had only just signed the contract and put it in the mail - they hadn't received it yet and I hadn't gotten my signing bonus (which really, let's face it, is clearly the most important part of this scenario), but more importantly, the reviews weren't in yet.
Publishers ask instructors to review textbooks on a yearly basis - instructors are paid for these reviews. Some of the instructors who submit reviews are using the textbook and some are not. Some are genuinely interested in making the book better and some just want the cash.
I was one of those reviewers who just wanted cash - yet, somehow I ended up with this textbook deal out of all of those reviews. Who knew my half-assed reviews would land me in this position?
In any case, the reviews were apparently due this week, but I was warned that instructors, much like students, do not pay close attention to due dates - even though MONEY is involved. So they'll trickle in slowly. Once they are in, the publisher will compile the results and send them on to me along with a synopsis of what they believe should be changed in this new edition of the book. At that point, I'll be given the chance to agree or disagree and add in my own suggestions. I assume this will happen throughout February, although I have no real idea.
Last Tuesday, in order to give me "something to work on," the publisher, we'll call her "A" for my own sake, told me she would carefully go over the first chapter I submitted and send notes and that I should "work on the second chapter" and the Table of Contents.
I'm going to try to go over this without being too technical as this gets a bit crazy.
I submitted an original Table of Contents (TOC) during the interview process that was my ideal book - what the book should look like if it was up to date and in keeping with current pedagogy and methods. Unfortunately, that doesn't look a lot like the original book. When I was interviewing, I was asked to send a sample chapter from the TOC; when I did, I was sent back a message saying "thanks but no thanks - you don't understand that we want a revision and not a new book." Well, that night I quickly sat down and dashed out an entirely new chapter and sent it to A - that one she liked and that was how I got the job offer.
It is this chapter, incidentally, that she is now looking at and probably marking the hell out of...it was, after all, written in an evening.
This TOC, unfortunately, was the one in our contract and the one we discussed on the phone. She keeps talking about how we need to create this book yet keep the original so we don't lose any of the people who currently buy this book (remember, I'm being asked to create the 6th edition) and I keep telling her I can't give her that particular TOC and the original book - they are two different entities.
So, I basically sent her the original TOC from the original book with some small changes and some changes to the wording along with an eloquently phrased note about how terminology makes all the difference and how this marriage of the two TOC's is the best way to keep existing users while bringing in new ones.
Then I had to "work on" chapter 2. That was all the revision advice I got - "work on" it. WTF? So I sent that to her as well.
And I'm waiting on comments from that one-nighter chapter.
Since I have yet to hear back from her and I sent all this last week, I'm assuming I will be slammed with all of this feedback plus all the review feedback in one fell swoop. That shouldn't be overwhelming at all.
In other news, my anxiety has allowed me to lose ten pounds. I am looking on the bright side and calling this a win.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Living Life in a Bipolar Mind
The past few weeks have been particular stressful, what with starting a new semester, getting everyone back on schedule, trying to figure out how to teach a new class (while only being in the second semester of another new one), and taking on this book deal. All of this is a lot for any mind to take on, but I think it's more difficult (yes, I'm going to make that claim) with the bipolar mind. In fact, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it's not just the bipolar mind that makes my life difficult - it's the fact that I'm smart enough to observe my own madness as it happens. That, my friends, may be the ultimate in frustration.
Of course, that's not to say I think I'm mad or insane - at least, not at the moment :) But, knowing I was taking more stress on in my life and knowing that medication can only help me cope with so much, I decided to take the proactive yet, in my own experience, typically frustrating move of working with a cognitive behavioral therapist, I've got a lot on my mind after our initial session today. It's always hard to start with a new therapist because, of course, you have to go over absolutely all of your history for the umpteenth gazillionth time in your life and answer the same "deep and probing" questions that will allow them to examine your psyche and ultimately fix you. Right? Isn't that the goal? Won't I come out of this all shiny, new and cured? Ok, I know that's a bit snarky and cynical, but I've been on this little ferris wheel of frustration and know where it can lead, but I'm hoping for better results this time.
Specifically, I'm hoping for better ways to deal with my anxiety and stress. Over time, I've learned to spot my manias as they come on. I can't always stop them and I can't always make them go away, but I can at least put people around me on high alert so we can manage them in the best way possible. Now I have to figure out how to deal with the major anxiety issues that are once again rearing their ugly heads. Too often I find myself focusing on things that I shouldn't be and I simply can't turn those thoughts off or refocus them. And that is so frustrating that I could scream.
Case in point: my family. More specifically, my daughters. They're only young and want me around for so long. I only have so many years where I get to be the primary source of play and fun - only so many years where I'm still the good guy. I want to be able to focus my attention on them and live in the moment when I'm with them, yet too often I find my mind consumed with thoughts of the book or my online students or what I should do in class the next day. It's only natural that my mind should wander from time to time - I'm human. But it's happening too frequently and with too much intensity - and no matter how hard I try, I cannot refocus my thoughts or keep myself in the moment, and THAT is what is frustrating me.
As I said today, I'm observant enough to know when I'm not in control of my mind, but I can't do anything about it. And that is the most helpless and anxiety-inducing feeling of them all.
But that's why I'm seeking help, right? And that's why we'll work on those cognitive behavior strategies to start fixing the problems. And I'm not totally anti-therapy - I've done CBT before and it helped me get rid of a lot of my OCD ticks....man, am I totally screwy or what? But sometimes it just feels like there's this little person trapped in my mind who knows the right answers and right behaviors, but she can't get control...
I hope I can find a way to help her out.
Of course, that's not to say I think I'm mad or insane - at least, not at the moment :) But, knowing I was taking more stress on in my life and knowing that medication can only help me cope with so much, I decided to take the proactive yet, in my own experience, typically frustrating move of working with a cognitive behavioral therapist, I've got a lot on my mind after our initial session today. It's always hard to start with a new therapist because, of course, you have to go over absolutely all of your history for the umpteenth gazillionth time in your life and answer the same "deep and probing" questions that will allow them to examine your psyche and ultimately fix you. Right? Isn't that the goal? Won't I come out of this all shiny, new and cured? Ok, I know that's a bit snarky and cynical, but I've been on this little ferris wheel of frustration and know where it can lead, but I'm hoping for better results this time.
Specifically, I'm hoping for better ways to deal with my anxiety and stress. Over time, I've learned to spot my manias as they come on. I can't always stop them and I can't always make them go away, but I can at least put people around me on high alert so we can manage them in the best way possible. Now I have to figure out how to deal with the major anxiety issues that are once again rearing their ugly heads. Too often I find myself focusing on things that I shouldn't be and I simply can't turn those thoughts off or refocus them. And that is so frustrating that I could scream.
Case in point: my family. More specifically, my daughters. They're only young and want me around for so long. I only have so many years where I get to be the primary source of play and fun - only so many years where I'm still the good guy. I want to be able to focus my attention on them and live in the moment when I'm with them, yet too often I find my mind consumed with thoughts of the book or my online students or what I should do in class the next day. It's only natural that my mind should wander from time to time - I'm human. But it's happening too frequently and with too much intensity - and no matter how hard I try, I cannot refocus my thoughts or keep myself in the moment, and THAT is what is frustrating me.
As I said today, I'm observant enough to know when I'm not in control of my mind, but I can't do anything about it. And that is the most helpless and anxiety-inducing feeling of them all.
But that's why I'm seeking help, right? And that's why we'll work on those cognitive behavior strategies to start fixing the problems. And I'm not totally anti-therapy - I've done CBT before and it helped me get rid of a lot of my OCD ticks....man, am I totally screwy or what? But sometimes it just feels like there's this little person trapped in my mind who knows the right answers and right behaviors, but she can't get control...
I hope I can find a way to help her out.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
It's been a week...
Typically, the first week of the semester is always the longest week. I'm not sure why that is, but after the first week, the semester tends to fly by and, even though at times it may seem never-ending, inevitably we find ourselves at finals going "where the heck did that go?" Which is nice overall.
It's been an interesting week, however, because I have got quite a group. My online students seem overly enthusiastic, which is definitely a change of pace. That might be a good thing. On the other hand, my classes that meet in person are inordinately quiet and seem to have a mix of students with many problems or issues. I'm teaching one of the same classes I did last semester and one that is a lower level, so that is new for me, and it's absolutely astonishing to see how completely unprepared people can be for college. Nobody appears to be documented, but from watching them I would guess I have a wide range of different learning disabilities or other issues...but perhaps there are outside factors that I'm just not aware of yet. In any case, I took a different tactic this semester and approached the classes in a hard-core manner. I pounded them with homework and in-class work from day one - and they took it and ran with it. I have to say that I'm impressed. Now, of course, not everyone did. There are an alarming number of students who already have a failing grade in the class, but that's their choice - however, the number of students who have not only completed the work but who have done it quite well (I gave them some nasty assignments just to see what they could do) really blew me away. Nicely done, I must say. So I either have a real range of abilities in these classes or a real range of dedication...I'm going to say it's probably a mixture.
I also forgot how exhausting it is to be in the classroom. Funny how just a few weeks away makes you forget. And it's also that whole new group of students thing - there's a new performance aspect to the first few weeks of class. You have to kind of win them over to get them to trust you and want to participate. Part of what I want them to get from my class is that it's ok to fail - it's ok to ask questions or offer your answer and be wrong...and the only way to really get that atmosphere is to really perform and make it a fun and inviting atmosphere, which takes A LOT of work for a few weeks. Difficult for the introvert. Thankfully, the book contract hasn't come in the mail yet so I don't have any official obligations there and so I can come home and sort of collapse for a while. That's really helpful.
And now for what I really wanted to write about. I am SO PROUD of my husband right now. Those of you who know Brian know that he is a generous and kind person with some really terrible habits. He helps out tremendously with the girls and around the house, but he's not very active outside of that (and we all know that it's difficult because between work, kids, and house it's hard to be too much more active). He hates anything that is healthy in terms of food and has a major sweet tooth. Well, we had a discussion about how concerned I was about these habits and him passing them on to the kids when they were old enough to start observing them (as Katie is starting to) and he has done a 180. Not only is he cooking healthy meals every night, we no longer have any junk food in the house - a major change for him. After all, junk food is really his only vice - it's not like he drinks or has any other outlets. And, he has created a workout space for himself down in Hannibal Lector's basement where he has diligently worked out every single night. I am so proud of him. I know the hard part is keeping with the change, but the fact that he's stuck with it this long is really amazing.
And so, now I will enjoy the other really amazing thing about my job...my really long weekend. My life is truly blessed :)
It's been an interesting week, however, because I have got quite a group. My online students seem overly enthusiastic, which is definitely a change of pace. That might be a good thing. On the other hand, my classes that meet in person are inordinately quiet and seem to have a mix of students with many problems or issues. I'm teaching one of the same classes I did last semester and one that is a lower level, so that is new for me, and it's absolutely astonishing to see how completely unprepared people can be for college. Nobody appears to be documented, but from watching them I would guess I have a wide range of different learning disabilities or other issues...but perhaps there are outside factors that I'm just not aware of yet. In any case, I took a different tactic this semester and approached the classes in a hard-core manner. I pounded them with homework and in-class work from day one - and they took it and ran with it. I have to say that I'm impressed. Now, of course, not everyone did. There are an alarming number of students who already have a failing grade in the class, but that's their choice - however, the number of students who have not only completed the work but who have done it quite well (I gave them some nasty assignments just to see what they could do) really blew me away. Nicely done, I must say. So I either have a real range of abilities in these classes or a real range of dedication...I'm going to say it's probably a mixture.
I also forgot how exhausting it is to be in the classroom. Funny how just a few weeks away makes you forget. And it's also that whole new group of students thing - there's a new performance aspect to the first few weeks of class. You have to kind of win them over to get them to trust you and want to participate. Part of what I want them to get from my class is that it's ok to fail - it's ok to ask questions or offer your answer and be wrong...and the only way to really get that atmosphere is to really perform and make it a fun and inviting atmosphere, which takes A LOT of work for a few weeks. Difficult for the introvert. Thankfully, the book contract hasn't come in the mail yet so I don't have any official obligations there and so I can come home and sort of collapse for a while. That's really helpful.
And now for what I really wanted to write about. I am SO PROUD of my husband right now. Those of you who know Brian know that he is a generous and kind person with some really terrible habits. He helps out tremendously with the girls and around the house, but he's not very active outside of that (and we all know that it's difficult because between work, kids, and house it's hard to be too much more active). He hates anything that is healthy in terms of food and has a major sweet tooth. Well, we had a discussion about how concerned I was about these habits and him passing them on to the kids when they were old enough to start observing them (as Katie is starting to) and he has done a 180. Not only is he cooking healthy meals every night, we no longer have any junk food in the house - a major change for him. After all, junk food is really his only vice - it's not like he drinks or has any other outlets. And, he has created a workout space for himself down in Hannibal Lector's basement where he has diligently worked out every single night. I am so proud of him. I know the hard part is keeping with the change, but the fact that he's stuck with it this long is really amazing.
And so, now I will enjoy the other really amazing thing about my job...my really long weekend. My life is truly blessed :)
Friday, January 11, 2013
Thursday, January 10, 2013
My further confliction
Subtitle...Monsignor should enroll in one of my writing courses.
Many of you will remember a previous post where I expressed my conflicted nature with the Catholic Church. Clearly, that has not changed. However, I was blessed to have a wonderful conversation with a person who I consider to be the embodiment of what a Christian should be, Dr. Jan Neuleib, over break and we had a long talk about the Catholic Church. She reassured me that I could still go to my Church and hold onto my religion and just understand that slow change may eventually come. But even if it doesn't, it's my heart and my beliefs that truly matter - not doctrine. That's what I take to heart.
I was, however, heartbroken to open our bulletin in church this past weekend. Many of you will dismiss our religion outright by what I reveal here, but please understand the conflicted nature this can create in those of us who truly believe in many of the tenets of the Church but believe that there are fundamental flaws that need to be fixed. As an academic, I am already a bit too willing to question my faith, but deep inside my core is the same person who believes in my faith with my heart and soul. I was raised in this faith from my birth and went to Catholic school and was raised in a very Catholic family. Even knowing what I do and questioning what I do, I make the conscious choice to send my child (and eventually, children) to a Catholic school) to learn these same beliefs. So to openly question and acknowledge how wrong some of them may seem does hurt my heart.
There were not only inserted handouts, but also personal memos from the Monsignor about two topics: Homosexual marriage and the new healthcare acts. I could expound for hours on the nuances of what truly bothered and upset me about these handouts and op-ed pieces, but let me give you the parts that truly hurt my heart.
1) If your workplace offers birth control to any person, you should choose a means of resistance that will create a significant disturbance. You should be fined for your beliefs or go to jail. Above all else, you should not simple accept the fact that your employer (or, if you own the business, that you) are now offer the option of birth control to others. Passive resistance is NOT an option.
2) Homosexual marriage is against nature. There is no proven natural existence of two members of the same sex copulating; therefore, our position is not that it should not happen but that clearly it is unnatural. It was stressed often that we do not support hate speech or violence against anyone, regardless of their sexual orientation, and that we welcome those of a homosexual nature. However, it must be stressed that if you are homosexual, you must remain chaste.
*sigh*
I read that and wanted to vomit. And this was all before Mass even began.
Then, as I was wandering around in the entryway (since cryrooms are now a thing of the past and we must freeze our keesters off if we want to bring small children to Mass), I listened to a homily that meant well but made me want to scream. It was about how Catholics are leaving the church in the millions because they don't get anything from Mass. We're going to mega-churches or other denominations because we want something more.
So, rather than expound upon what was in the bulletin (which, he mentioned, we should read) or discuss the book he passed out after communion (I haven't gotten to it yet - I'll let you know), he talked about how from now on he'll talk about things that are more important to us and relevant to us so that we get things from Mass.
Which made me want to pull out my lesson from week two of class called "Don't tell me what you're going to do - DO IT!"
Brian, on the other hand, was of the mindset that it was good that he recognized this gap and was going to work toward fixing it.
Either way....my heart is heavy. I believe in the Holy Catholic Church at the core of its being and the Saints and Holy Mary and Jesus, God's only Son and in my God...but I believe we have taken a wrong turn. I can only hope we find our way.
Many of you will remember a previous post where I expressed my conflicted nature with the Catholic Church. Clearly, that has not changed. However, I was blessed to have a wonderful conversation with a person who I consider to be the embodiment of what a Christian should be, Dr. Jan Neuleib, over break and we had a long talk about the Catholic Church. She reassured me that I could still go to my Church and hold onto my religion and just understand that slow change may eventually come. But even if it doesn't, it's my heart and my beliefs that truly matter - not doctrine. That's what I take to heart.
I was, however, heartbroken to open our bulletin in church this past weekend. Many of you will dismiss our religion outright by what I reveal here, but please understand the conflicted nature this can create in those of us who truly believe in many of the tenets of the Church but believe that there are fundamental flaws that need to be fixed. As an academic, I am already a bit too willing to question my faith, but deep inside my core is the same person who believes in my faith with my heart and soul. I was raised in this faith from my birth and went to Catholic school and was raised in a very Catholic family. Even knowing what I do and questioning what I do, I make the conscious choice to send my child (and eventually, children) to a Catholic school) to learn these same beliefs. So to openly question and acknowledge how wrong some of them may seem does hurt my heart.
There were not only inserted handouts, but also personal memos from the Monsignor about two topics: Homosexual marriage and the new healthcare acts. I could expound for hours on the nuances of what truly bothered and upset me about these handouts and op-ed pieces, but let me give you the parts that truly hurt my heart.
1) If your workplace offers birth control to any person, you should choose a means of resistance that will create a significant disturbance. You should be fined for your beliefs or go to jail. Above all else, you should not simple accept the fact that your employer (or, if you own the business, that you) are now offer the option of birth control to others. Passive resistance is NOT an option.
2) Homosexual marriage is against nature. There is no proven natural existence of two members of the same sex copulating; therefore, our position is not that it should not happen but that clearly it is unnatural. It was stressed often that we do not support hate speech or violence against anyone, regardless of their sexual orientation, and that we welcome those of a homosexual nature. However, it must be stressed that if you are homosexual, you must remain chaste.
*sigh*
I read that and wanted to vomit. And this was all before Mass even began.
Then, as I was wandering around in the entryway (since cryrooms are now a thing of the past and we must freeze our keesters off if we want to bring small children to Mass), I listened to a homily that meant well but made me want to scream. It was about how Catholics are leaving the church in the millions because they don't get anything from Mass. We're going to mega-churches or other denominations because we want something more.
So, rather than expound upon what was in the bulletin (which, he mentioned, we should read) or discuss the book he passed out after communion (I haven't gotten to it yet - I'll let you know), he talked about how from now on he'll talk about things that are more important to us and relevant to us so that we get things from Mass.
Which made me want to pull out my lesson from week two of class called "Don't tell me what you're going to do - DO IT!"
Brian, on the other hand, was of the mindset that it was good that he recognized this gap and was going to work toward fixing it.
Either way....my heart is heavy. I believe in the Holy Catholic Church at the core of its being and the Saints and Holy Mary and Jesus, God's only Son and in my God...but I believe we have taken a wrong turn. I can only hope we find our way.
Monday, January 7, 2013
A long time gone....
I know, but can you blame me?
A blog, much like other things in life, is best kept to regularly. Once you step away it becomes just another one of those things that is easily shifted to a back burner. You can just keep saying..."I'll get to that later.." And then it's later and you haven't gotten to it...but that's really just a nagging issue that is easily dealt with by reminding yourself that you can deal with it later.
Of course, I have very good reasons for stepping aside. As typing became a more difficult issue than it had been previously for me, for reasons that we will just not go into here, I had to focus on day to day life and simply surviving the semester. In addition to that, there was Hope's first birthday and the holidays to contend with - both of which were simultaneously lovely and very very stressful, as anything festive and full of family and friendly typically are. I feel like we never stopped to breathe or rest from November 17 until...well, now. As Katie returned to school today for the spring term and I finally look around an empty house and try to wrap my brain around the fact that I have to return to classes on Monday, I wonder where any of that lovely "break" actually went.
People always envy those of us in the college teaching profession for our breaks, and I'm not going to deny that they are a lovely bonus, but I don't know that I actually ever take much of a break. When you consider the first week of the "break" is spent grading and posting end of semester grades and fielding emails about those grades, that takes off one of those weeks. Then you have the week prior to the semester when you are trying to figure out the coming semester. That does still leave a very hefty two week break in between, but I can seldom get my brain to turn off - I often still find myself wondering about a grade or a comment or thinking about the assignments for the coming semester. It is still much nicer than sitting in an office for eight or nine hours a day, however.
In addition to the frenzy of holidays and travel, I spent a great deal of time working on the hinted about book deal that I spent most of the fall working on and stressing about. Let's recap:
1) Initial query from publisher.
2) Email interview
3) Phone interview
4) Written interview
5) Sample table of contents submitted
6) Sample of writing submitted (section of chapter - new)
7) Sample chapter submitted (completely new)
8) Sample chapter submitted (revised from existing material)
Offered job by publisher
Holy crap.
This, in an of itself, was completely unexpected and overwhelming. I had absolutely no idea how long this interview process was or how many people were in the running. I received feedback on my work, but it was of the rather banal, neutral variety which gave me no sense of how I was doing in the process. So, to be offered the job was mind-stoppingly insane.
As of right now, the contracts are in the mail on their way to my house.
Here's is what I know. We are starting with a one-year contract. I will revise/edit one book in the three book series for a flat fee (rather than negotiating for royalties and such). This will give both myself and the publishers a chance to see if we can work together and if I want to continue with the project. If all goes well, we will renegotiate for the three book series and continue on. Since each book needs to be revised approximately every three years, it's an ongoing project that never ends. It's definitely a new opportunity and an avenue I had never considered pursuing.
And I will still continue teaching. That's non-negotiable.
Apparently, we will start on the book once reviews are in - sometime in late January or early February (users and non-users of the book review the book to tell what they like/don't like/want/don't want in the new edition) and then the revisions need to be complete by about October, so this will be busy and new for me. I'm very nervous about it and very scared that I've taken on more than I can handle. I have no idea what I've taken on and just have to assume I can handle it. More than anything, I hope that I haven't screwed up my summer with the girls. They're paying me for 225 hours worth of work, however, which, as Brian has pointed out, is approximately 6 full weeks of work at a 40/hr a week job, so hopefully it's not so bad. The publisher did keep saying, however, when I met with her in Chicago, that "It's a lot of work." Brian thinks she was trying to oversell it so I didn't underestimate it.
We'll see.
A blog, much like other things in life, is best kept to regularly. Once you step away it becomes just another one of those things that is easily shifted to a back burner. You can just keep saying..."I'll get to that later.." And then it's later and you haven't gotten to it...but that's really just a nagging issue that is easily dealt with by reminding yourself that you can deal with it later.
Of course, I have very good reasons for stepping aside. As typing became a more difficult issue than it had been previously for me, for reasons that we will just not go into here, I had to focus on day to day life and simply surviving the semester. In addition to that, there was Hope's first birthday and the holidays to contend with - both of which were simultaneously lovely and very very stressful, as anything festive and full of family and friendly typically are. I feel like we never stopped to breathe or rest from November 17 until...well, now. As Katie returned to school today for the spring term and I finally look around an empty house and try to wrap my brain around the fact that I have to return to classes on Monday, I wonder where any of that lovely "break" actually went.
People always envy those of us in the college teaching profession for our breaks, and I'm not going to deny that they are a lovely bonus, but I don't know that I actually ever take much of a break. When you consider the first week of the "break" is spent grading and posting end of semester grades and fielding emails about those grades, that takes off one of those weeks. Then you have the week prior to the semester when you are trying to figure out the coming semester. That does still leave a very hefty two week break in between, but I can seldom get my brain to turn off - I often still find myself wondering about a grade or a comment or thinking about the assignments for the coming semester. It is still much nicer than sitting in an office for eight or nine hours a day, however.
In addition to the frenzy of holidays and travel, I spent a great deal of time working on the hinted about book deal that I spent most of the fall working on and stressing about. Let's recap:
1) Initial query from publisher.
2) Email interview
3) Phone interview
4) Written interview
5) Sample table of contents submitted
6) Sample of writing submitted (section of chapter - new)
7) Sample chapter submitted (completely new)
8) Sample chapter submitted (revised from existing material)
Offered job by publisher
Holy crap.
This, in an of itself, was completely unexpected and overwhelming. I had absolutely no idea how long this interview process was or how many people were in the running. I received feedback on my work, but it was of the rather banal, neutral variety which gave me no sense of how I was doing in the process. So, to be offered the job was mind-stoppingly insane.
As of right now, the contracts are in the mail on their way to my house.
Here's is what I know. We are starting with a one-year contract. I will revise/edit one book in the three book series for a flat fee (rather than negotiating for royalties and such). This will give both myself and the publishers a chance to see if we can work together and if I want to continue with the project. If all goes well, we will renegotiate for the three book series and continue on. Since each book needs to be revised approximately every three years, it's an ongoing project that never ends. It's definitely a new opportunity and an avenue I had never considered pursuing.
And I will still continue teaching. That's non-negotiable.
Apparently, we will start on the book once reviews are in - sometime in late January or early February (users and non-users of the book review the book to tell what they like/don't like/want/don't want in the new edition) and then the revisions need to be complete by about October, so this will be busy and new for me. I'm very nervous about it and very scared that I've taken on more than I can handle. I have no idea what I've taken on and just have to assume I can handle it. More than anything, I hope that I haven't screwed up my summer with the girls. They're paying me for 225 hours worth of work, however, which, as Brian has pointed out, is approximately 6 full weeks of work at a 40/hr a week job, so hopefully it's not so bad. The publisher did keep saying, however, when I met with her in Chicago, that "It's a lot of work." Brian thinks she was trying to oversell it so I didn't underestimate it.
We'll see.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)