I've heard that time is a beautiful and terrible thing - perhaps described as a dance. Don't get me wrong - as beautiful and horrible as that thought is, I'm pretty sure I got it from The Muppets Christmas Carol. But then again, what haven't we learned from the muppets? By the way, I'm including my favorite of all time Muppet Show clip here and if it doesn't tug at your heart just a bit, you may have no soul. I'd check with a doctor ;)
Time in a Bottle
I remember seeing it when I was very little. My dad is a HUGE Jim Croce fan (and often talks about how he was a radio DJ in college who got to interview him. In fact, Jim almost used my dad's guitar in a concert because his was lost in transit - but it showed up. Mom and Dad were big Croce, Moody Blues, Kingston Trio, and John Denver fans...if that gives you a glimpse into my amazing love of wuss rock ;)
But anyway, I can't help but think that time is a wonderful and horrible thing all at the same time. Every single moment with Katie and Hope is beyond my wildest dreams amazing. My daughters are my world and I love watching every single thing they do. And while time is amazing in that they grow older and learn new things, you also want to capture and keep all the moments you're having right now.
Thankfully, we live in a digital age where I almost do. I have more videos of my daughters than my parents could have ever dreamed of. And I'm thankful for all of them.
Katie went to spend the weekend with her Nana and Papaw - they took her to see the Fresh Beat Band. She'll be home any time and I'm very excited to hear about it - apparently she gave a high five to "Twist" - whoever that is. How can I be in this stage and not understand it? :) Hope is smiling and cooing every day and it's so amazing. I love it. I don't remember Katie doing much smiling or cooing, so I'm trying to record this just in case I feel this way later.
Both girls are doing well. We've fought sinus infections, ear infections, pneumonia, and all kinds of other sicknesses, but we're still doing well. I can't say much more than life is beautiful :)
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Bladder Fun
I'm going to do my best to tell you about today, but I don't know a lot and Brian has been what I would lovingly call, "little to no help." Here goes:
I had to arrive at the Surgery Center at about 8:30 this morning. Brian and I decided to get there early because we were hoping it was a first come-first served type of place. The reason we had this thought was because I was supposed to call the Dr.'s office yesterday to between 2:30-4:00 to get my surgery time. When I called, they didn't even ask my name - just said to show up at 8:30. That was really weird.
So, I got there and after a few minutes, they took me back. Went over all the fun stuff like medical history, previous surgeries, allergies, etc. Got dressed in my sassy gown and had an IV started. They took me back at 9:30 and I can tell you I was pretty nervous. The only experience I've had that I could compare it to was when I was at the hospital down by my parents and they put in a catheter and kept inflating my bladder with water. That really really really hurt and was very uncomfortable - especially afterward. I've had catheters with both of my c-sections, but the epidural/spinal was always so good that I never really noticed them. The nurses assured me that compared to a c-section, this was nothing (as I logically understood).
We got all set up in the O.R. and I can say that it was very very weird. At least my doctor has a sense of humor as he agreed is seemed pretty perverse back there. They had to strap my legs into these stirrups that were way up high and then strip me down from the waist down. I'm sure that delivering a baby naturally has a bit of this feeling, but, having never done that, this was a new one for me.
I suppose they had slid some drugs into my IV at this point because I was conscious but having a hard time focusing. I remember that the lights kept going in and out of focus or I would see double. I don't think I was ever "out," but I wasn't with it. It did hurt a bit and was uncomfortable, but not for too long. I believe I said something along the lines of "ouch" and the doctor asked if we were still "friends," or I could be delusional. It was all very surreal.
I don't think I remember heading back to recovery, but I do think I remember looking at the clock and seeing that I had only been back there about ten minutes. They had said it would take about 30, so that surprised me. Once I woke up a bit, they let Brian come back and he told me what the doctor told him (but his memory isn't as good as I want it to be). Apparently, all of these infections I had while pregnant caused something to happen to my urethra. I can't (due to Brian's memory) let you know what, exactly. He called them something like boils or polyps or something - but apparently there were about 20 or so and they were causing severe irritation, bleeding, and new infections. So the doctor burned them off.
As for now, I have a painkiller that is specific to the bladder and it turns my urine orange. That is really really weird. I don't feel the best, but the Doctor guaranteed Brian that this would take care of the issues and things should be find from here on in. I'll take his word for it. I have a follow up in three weeks, so I'll know more specifics then. All Brian really cared about was they found something and got rid of it. I've been bodily tired since the procedure (it's like when you've worked out very hard and your muscles and body are just exhausted) and they said that's from the meds. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be feeling pretty good and most, if not all, of the pain will be gone.
So, again - more than you ever wanted to know, but I know some of you were worried and wanted details. And since I've already told you more about my body than you ever needed to know through the pregnancy, I feel as though we have no secrets :) In short, everything should be fixed and I am pretty determined to keep people from poking around in that general area for a few years. Tapping out!
I had to arrive at the Surgery Center at about 8:30 this morning. Brian and I decided to get there early because we were hoping it was a first come-first served type of place. The reason we had this thought was because I was supposed to call the Dr.'s office yesterday to between 2:30-4:00 to get my surgery time. When I called, they didn't even ask my name - just said to show up at 8:30. That was really weird.
So, I got there and after a few minutes, they took me back. Went over all the fun stuff like medical history, previous surgeries, allergies, etc. Got dressed in my sassy gown and had an IV started. They took me back at 9:30 and I can tell you I was pretty nervous. The only experience I've had that I could compare it to was when I was at the hospital down by my parents and they put in a catheter and kept inflating my bladder with water. That really really really hurt and was very uncomfortable - especially afterward. I've had catheters with both of my c-sections, but the epidural/spinal was always so good that I never really noticed them. The nurses assured me that compared to a c-section, this was nothing (as I logically understood).
We got all set up in the O.R. and I can say that it was very very weird. At least my doctor has a sense of humor as he agreed is seemed pretty perverse back there. They had to strap my legs into these stirrups that were way up high and then strip me down from the waist down. I'm sure that delivering a baby naturally has a bit of this feeling, but, having never done that, this was a new one for me.
I suppose they had slid some drugs into my IV at this point because I was conscious but having a hard time focusing. I remember that the lights kept going in and out of focus or I would see double. I don't think I was ever "out," but I wasn't with it. It did hurt a bit and was uncomfortable, but not for too long. I believe I said something along the lines of "ouch" and the doctor asked if we were still "friends," or I could be delusional. It was all very surreal.
I don't think I remember heading back to recovery, but I do think I remember looking at the clock and seeing that I had only been back there about ten minutes. They had said it would take about 30, so that surprised me. Once I woke up a bit, they let Brian come back and he told me what the doctor told him (but his memory isn't as good as I want it to be). Apparently, all of these infections I had while pregnant caused something to happen to my urethra. I can't (due to Brian's memory) let you know what, exactly. He called them something like boils or polyps or something - but apparently there were about 20 or so and they were causing severe irritation, bleeding, and new infections. So the doctor burned them off.
As for now, I have a painkiller that is specific to the bladder and it turns my urine orange. That is really really weird. I don't feel the best, but the Doctor guaranteed Brian that this would take care of the issues and things should be find from here on in. I'll take his word for it. I have a follow up in three weeks, so I'll know more specifics then. All Brian really cared about was they found something and got rid of it. I've been bodily tired since the procedure (it's like when you've worked out very hard and your muscles and body are just exhausted) and they said that's from the meds. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be feeling pretty good and most, if not all, of the pain will be gone.
So, again - more than you ever wanted to know, but I know some of you were worried and wanted details. And since I've already told you more about my body than you ever needed to know through the pregnancy, I feel as though we have no secrets :) In short, everything should be fixed and I am pretty determined to keep people from poking around in that general area for a few years. Tapping out!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Oh my
While I now feel like an imposter or poser in the pregnancy loss community because I have MORE than I could ever ask for, I have to ask for your thoughts and prayers as this has been such a difficult week for two very amazing women.
First of all, Jenny from The Long Way Around just lost her third child this week. It was heartbreaking in so many ways.
Secondly, Mo from Mommy Odessy lost her child just before viability - at 23 weeks. I cannot imagine her pain and what she is going through. Please keep these women in your prayers.
Finally, if you have another prayer to spare, please send it out to JM at Meier Madness who is desperately hoping to see a BFP (big fat positive this week). I feel like I've been blessed with so much that it's the least I can possibly do to pass on these wonderful women to you.
First of all, Jenny from The Long Way Around just lost her third child this week. It was heartbreaking in so many ways.
Secondly, Mo from Mommy Odessy lost her child just before viability - at 23 weeks. I cannot imagine her pain and what she is going through. Please keep these women in your prayers.
Finally, if you have another prayer to spare, please send it out to JM at Meier Madness who is desperately hoping to see a BFP (big fat positive this week). I feel like I've been blessed with so much that it's the least I can possibly do to pass on these wonderful women to you.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Awwww heck...
Of course, nothing in life is easy enough to be roses and smiley faces all the time, right?
Well, those darn kidney infections are back - with a vengeance. I honestly don't understand it - I have never even had so much as a yeast infection in all of my thirty-some years. Nothing - no problems down there. Then I get pregnant and it's UTI's and kidney infections out the wazoo. Blech. I am so done with these things.
It all started about three weeks ago. On Monday, Jan 30, I realized that the way I had been feeling for a few days had all culminated in something that felt far too familiar: kidney infection. It was all there: the pain in the back, nausea, frequency urinating - you name it. Went to the prompt care and found out - yup. That was the problem. They put me on a seven day regimen of antibiotics and told me to follow up with them or my primary care doctor if it continued.
Well, let's fast-forward to Monday, Feb 6 (one week later). Antibiotics done. Pain remains. All other symptoms remain. Call urologist (because, let's face it - my Ob-Gyn has done enough and since she referred me once before, I had to assume this was the logical next step). Told that there was an appointment open in ten days. Schedule said appointment and head back to prompt care. Doc takes a look and says urine is clean, but he'll culture it and sends me home with more antibiotics.
Call in two days - bacteria growing culture. Another (or same) infection. Keep taking antibiotics.
Show up, finally, for urologist appt. Blood in urine = CT scan the next day. Oh boy - the fun never ends. So that was how I spent last Friday. Went in today for results. The CT scan showed nothing bad - no tumors, no stones, no nothing. Urine culture grew nothing. So now we come to the question: what's the problem?
Turns out, we will have to find out by inserting a camera into my bladder this Friday...yeah, as in like a couple days from now. Thankfully, I had the option to choose sedation (I was given the choice of local or sedation - Dr. suggested sedation because he would be able to remove problems if found, rather than waiting and rescheduling).
So, that is what I will be up to on Friday. I know you are incredibly jealous and wish you could have just as fun an experience. All hope that this crap would end with pregnancy just went WAY out the window.
Honestly wish they could have just removed it all during the C-section. Take it all. With the tubal ligation, it's no good anyway (and yes, I know that it wouldn't stop these stupid infections, but I just had a royally obnoxious period and I'm so done with all that internal plumbing).
Roses and sunshine still abound, but I'm just "pissed" at this point (pun intended).
Well, those darn kidney infections are back - with a vengeance. I honestly don't understand it - I have never even had so much as a yeast infection in all of my thirty-some years. Nothing - no problems down there. Then I get pregnant and it's UTI's and kidney infections out the wazoo. Blech. I am so done with these things.
It all started about three weeks ago. On Monday, Jan 30, I realized that the way I had been feeling for a few days had all culminated in something that felt far too familiar: kidney infection. It was all there: the pain in the back, nausea, frequency urinating - you name it. Went to the prompt care and found out - yup. That was the problem. They put me on a seven day regimen of antibiotics and told me to follow up with them or my primary care doctor if it continued.
Well, let's fast-forward to Monday, Feb 6 (one week later). Antibiotics done. Pain remains. All other symptoms remain. Call urologist (because, let's face it - my Ob-Gyn has done enough and since she referred me once before, I had to assume this was the logical next step). Told that there was an appointment open in ten days. Schedule said appointment and head back to prompt care. Doc takes a look and says urine is clean, but he'll culture it and sends me home with more antibiotics.
Call in two days - bacteria growing culture. Another (or same) infection. Keep taking antibiotics.
Show up, finally, for urologist appt. Blood in urine = CT scan the next day. Oh boy - the fun never ends. So that was how I spent last Friday. Went in today for results. The CT scan showed nothing bad - no tumors, no stones, no nothing. Urine culture grew nothing. So now we come to the question: what's the problem?
Turns out, we will have to find out by inserting a camera into my bladder this Friday...yeah, as in like a couple days from now. Thankfully, I had the option to choose sedation (I was given the choice of local or sedation - Dr. suggested sedation because he would be able to remove problems if found, rather than waiting and rescheduling).
So, that is what I will be up to on Friday. I know you are incredibly jealous and wish you could have just as fun an experience. All hope that this crap would end with pregnancy just went WAY out the window.
Honestly wish they could have just removed it all during the C-section. Take it all. With the tubal ligation, it's no good anyway (and yes, I know that it wouldn't stop these stupid infections, but I just had a royally obnoxious period and I'm so done with all that internal plumbing).
Roses and sunshine still abound, but I'm just "pissed" at this point (pun intended).
Monday, February 13, 2012
It's a Good Day
Overall, things have been going very well today and I'm very happy. That's good. I was nervous about it, but there really wasn't anything to worry about.
I did have to get up earlier than I normally would to get to work (and certainly it's been a change from the bed rest/newborn sleep schedule!). It was a tag team kind of morning - Brian was in charge of himself and Katie and I had myself and Hope. I had to be out the door by 6:30, and Brian didn't have to leave with the girls until closer to 7:30, so hopefully everyone was good for him :) It's Hope's first day at daycare - we go to an in-home daycare and right now Katie and Hope are the only two there. That's really nice. In addition, she gets together with another daycare provider who has about eight kids on some days - so Katie often has playmates, but when she's sick or there are other things going on, it's just the two of them. Debbie has always been a phenomenal day care provider for us - she never has a problem with us coming early or late or missing or adding days - she is so flexible. And it's almost impossible to find someone who will let us take the kids for the summer; that is income she loses so I can spend time with my kids. I can't tell you how wonderful this woman is; all those times I was in the ER or had other problems, she would keep Katie, feed her dinner, and even give her a bath and put her to bed if need be. She never charged extra or complained. And - in the three and a half years we have been going to her she has only taken 2 sick days (and she apologized profusely!). It's amazing. Of course, it's more expensive now with two of them, so we're only part time this semester. They'll go full time next year when I get my overload pay back :)
That means that on Thursdays, Nana and Papaw will come over from Washington to watch them while I work and then I'll have them when I get home. And since I don't have to come in on Fridays (again, I am REALLY lucky to have this job), I will have both girls then.
In all, it's just felt nice and normal to be here today. I feel at home and like myself and I don't feel anywhere as guilty or sad as I thought I would. I think it might be easier with the second one (and I'm very thankful for that!).
My class today was pretty good - I only had 6 students at 8 in the morning. Since it's a twelve week class, we meet for an hour and forty minutes and it was awesome. It was enough time to actually get a few things done without rushing and to get to know my students. Tomorrow I have another reading class of that length with 17 students. It should be fun. They were all very talkative and nice - I think it will be fun.
So thanks for the good thoughts :) It's been a good day.
I did have to get up earlier than I normally would to get to work (and certainly it's been a change from the bed rest/newborn sleep schedule!). It was a tag team kind of morning - Brian was in charge of himself and Katie and I had myself and Hope. I had to be out the door by 6:30, and Brian didn't have to leave with the girls until closer to 7:30, so hopefully everyone was good for him :) It's Hope's first day at daycare - we go to an in-home daycare and right now Katie and Hope are the only two there. That's really nice. In addition, she gets together with another daycare provider who has about eight kids on some days - so Katie often has playmates, but when she's sick or there are other things going on, it's just the two of them. Debbie has always been a phenomenal day care provider for us - she never has a problem with us coming early or late or missing or adding days - she is so flexible. And it's almost impossible to find someone who will let us take the kids for the summer; that is income she loses so I can spend time with my kids. I can't tell you how wonderful this woman is; all those times I was in the ER or had other problems, she would keep Katie, feed her dinner, and even give her a bath and put her to bed if need be. She never charged extra or complained. And - in the three and a half years we have been going to her she has only taken 2 sick days (and she apologized profusely!). It's amazing. Of course, it's more expensive now with two of them, so we're only part time this semester. They'll go full time next year when I get my overload pay back :)
That means that on Thursdays, Nana and Papaw will come over from Washington to watch them while I work and then I'll have them when I get home. And since I don't have to come in on Fridays (again, I am REALLY lucky to have this job), I will have both girls then.
In all, it's just felt nice and normal to be here today. I feel at home and like myself and I don't feel anywhere as guilty or sad as I thought I would. I think it might be easier with the second one (and I'm very thankful for that!).
My class today was pretty good - I only had 6 students at 8 in the morning. Since it's a twelve week class, we meet for an hour and forty minutes and it was awesome. It was enough time to actually get a few things done without rushing and to get to know my students. Tomorrow I have another reading class of that length with 17 students. It should be fun. They were all very talkative and nice - I think it will be fun.
So thanks for the good thoughts :) It's been a good day.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Back to reality
So...I go back to work on Monday.
This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I don't know how I feel about it.
On the one hand, I am ENORMOUSLY lucky to be working where I do in the field I'm in. Although I work so many hours a day grading papers, coming up with assignments, and answering emails (I honestly can't count - sometimes I feel like I work 24 hours a day), I only have to be on campus for a few hours a week. This is truly a blessing. Somehow, I have to find a way to leave work at work - if that means a few more hours spent in the office grading and answering emails, then I have to do that. I have to begin to really separate work from home. It's important. I worked so very hard to have this family and I can't always be saying, "just one more email" or "let me assess one more draft." I have to be able to find some separation.
That makes me nervous. I'm REALLY not good at saying no. I feel as though "no" is a weakness and that it makes me less valuable than all those childless people who say yes. While my profession is truly wonderful for a working mom, the unfortunate reality is that, particularly in my field, most people choose not to have children because it interferes with their research and work. This sort of doubles up on top of the dissertation director who dropped me because I wanted to "waste" my PhD on community college students.
Obviously, I feel that the community college student is important, but I teach mostly developmental classes and I often feel as though I leave a lot of myself with them. They have such emotional and amazing stories of how they even came to be in my classroom that I feel the least I can do is answer the emails that come at midnight. I have to stop feeling that way. I CAN be a good teacher without being available 24 hours a day. This will, however, be tricky since I am teaching three online classes (students in an online class assume you work 24/7).
I think I'm looking forward to work because I miss that part of myself and I've never been off for this long. I took Hope in on Wednesday so we could try to find my desk under the load of crap that's been dumped on it and it was nice but scary. It was nice because it felt normal - like I had never left. It was scary because I know the obligations I feel go along with my students.
So, I will enjoy this last day...I will snuggle with my girls and try not to think about it. It will all be ok, but I was hard to figure out the first time. I hope it's not quite as hard this time, but I'm sure there will be adjustment and guilt (as there always is for working moms). Sometimes I think that being a mom, working or not, is the hardest job ever. If you don't work, there are many assumptions people put on you that can make you feel bad. If you do work, well, same deal. It often feels like you can't win. I know that this time around, I hope to be "good enough." I'm not going to be perfect and I'm not even going to try. I am going to be a good teacher who helps her students but is there for her daughters. That is good enough for me right now.
This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I don't know how I feel about it.
On the one hand, I am ENORMOUSLY lucky to be working where I do in the field I'm in. Although I work so many hours a day grading papers, coming up with assignments, and answering emails (I honestly can't count - sometimes I feel like I work 24 hours a day), I only have to be on campus for a few hours a week. This is truly a blessing. Somehow, I have to find a way to leave work at work - if that means a few more hours spent in the office grading and answering emails, then I have to do that. I have to begin to really separate work from home. It's important. I worked so very hard to have this family and I can't always be saying, "just one more email" or "let me assess one more draft." I have to be able to find some separation.
That makes me nervous. I'm REALLY not good at saying no. I feel as though "no" is a weakness and that it makes me less valuable than all those childless people who say yes. While my profession is truly wonderful for a working mom, the unfortunate reality is that, particularly in my field, most people choose not to have children because it interferes with their research and work. This sort of doubles up on top of the dissertation director who dropped me because I wanted to "waste" my PhD on community college students.
Obviously, I feel that the community college student is important, but I teach mostly developmental classes and I often feel as though I leave a lot of myself with them. They have such emotional and amazing stories of how they even came to be in my classroom that I feel the least I can do is answer the emails that come at midnight. I have to stop feeling that way. I CAN be a good teacher without being available 24 hours a day. This will, however, be tricky since I am teaching three online classes (students in an online class assume you work 24/7).
I think I'm looking forward to work because I miss that part of myself and I've never been off for this long. I took Hope in on Wednesday so we could try to find my desk under the load of crap that's been dumped on it and it was nice but scary. It was nice because it felt normal - like I had never left. It was scary because I know the obligations I feel go along with my students.
So, I will enjoy this last day...I will snuggle with my girls and try not to think about it. It will all be ok, but I was hard to figure out the first time. I hope it's not quite as hard this time, but I'm sure there will be adjustment and guilt (as there always is for working moms). Sometimes I think that being a mom, working or not, is the hardest job ever. If you don't work, there are many assumptions people put on you that can make you feel bad. If you do work, well, same deal. It often feels like you can't win. I know that this time around, I hope to be "good enough." I'm not going to be perfect and I'm not even going to try. I am going to be a good teacher who helps her students but is there for her daughters. That is good enough for me right now.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Dispelling a myth
Many people have asked for more pictures, and when I am slow in returning that request or posting new pictures, I often get the standard remark of "second child syndrome." You may not know it by name, but I'm sure you've heard of it: parents take scores of pictures and videos with child number one and then by the time the second child roles around, they don't.
Some say this happens because with child #2 you are just too busy. You are now taking care of two children and have far less time to grab the camera or to think about pictures.
Some say this happens because it's not as thrilling as it was the first time around. You've seen all of this before, and while it's still a miracle, it doesn't enthrall you as it once did.
I am going to say, for once and for all, that I believe this is completely untrue and a total myth.
The second child doesn't have as many pictures or as many videos as the first child for the simple reason that you have learned how very very fast the time passes and how quickly your child will grow; therefore, you spend as much time as possible simply watching and enjoying every single moment. In short - with the second child, you live the moments more than document them. In no way is anything that second child does any less exciting or miraculous or amazing - but it is an opportunity to experience life in a way you may not have the first time around.
And that, my friends, is all I have to say on that.
Some say this happens because with child #2 you are just too busy. You are now taking care of two children and have far less time to grab the camera or to think about pictures.
Some say this happens because it's not as thrilling as it was the first time around. You've seen all of this before, and while it's still a miracle, it doesn't enthrall you as it once did.
I am going to say, for once and for all, that I believe this is completely untrue and a total myth.
The second child doesn't have as many pictures or as many videos as the first child for the simple reason that you have learned how very very fast the time passes and how quickly your child will grow; therefore, you spend as much time as possible simply watching and enjoying every single moment. In short - with the second child, you live the moments more than document them. In no way is anything that second child does any less exciting or miraculous or amazing - but it is an opportunity to experience life in a way you may not have the first time around.
And that, my friends, is all I have to say on that.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
She speaks
Those who follow me on Facebook have seen this, but I've got to share it here as well...
My precious baby girl is cooing and talking and it just melts my heart every time I see a little smile or hear her voice. My God is amazing!
My precious baby girl is cooing and talking and it just melts my heart every time I see a little smile or hear her voice. My God is amazing!
Moving on...
I'm slowly trying to adjust to the fact that in a week and a half I'll be back at work. This is very surreal for me because I have NEVER been off work for this long since I first graduated from college. I last worked on Friday, September 23...that's a long time ago. After the initial shock of not going anywhere or doing anything, I did eventually settle into a bit of a lifestyle that simply revolved around my baby and my body. I lived for my baby. There was nothing outside of that. And while that was important at the time, it's now time to start branching out and becoming a whole human being again - which is certainly the hardest part, as I think anyone would tell you.
Now, I know I'm a better mom when I'm working. I remember going back to work after Katie and thinking that it was weird because it was just so normal. I wasn't mom and I wasn't always on call - I was just me again. It's like there are so many parts of yourself, and after you have a kid, you have to figure out how to fit them all back together again. There's wife and mother and daughter and sister and friend and teacher (and I'm sure I'm forgetting a few) - and it's really hard to find time in the day for all of those. By the time I got pregnant with Hope, I had successfully reclaimed all of my previous self (but, that took three years - it's a long process and very hard to figure out), so I know I'm going to go through that again. Unfortunately, it's my self and my friends that suffer. I can do the work stuff and the mom stuff, but it's so difficult to find the time to do anything else once that's in your day. But - I did it once and I'll do it again (but it may take another three years - forgive me if I'm a bit late at getting back to a lunch date ;)
I've been trying to ease myself back in by making contact with some people about things I need to do when I get back and to cover some classes when I'm at a conference. I've done a few book reviews for extra cash and to get back in the swing of things. It's a slowly but surely kind of process. I'm very thankful that I only have to meet two of my classes in person - the other three will be online. While online can be taxing and annoying, it's at least easy to let go of those issues or turn them off.
I'm also a bit torn because after Katie was born, I would pick her up around noonish each day from daycare to spend more time with her (so much happens in that first year and I didn't want to miss anything). Brian thinks I can do the same with Hope - pick her up and leave Katie at daycare. I think this will be upsetting to Katie and that it's not even an option. Any thoughts? It would probably be one or two days a week picking up Hope at about noon or one and then Brian would get Katie at 4:30. I will be off-campus on Fridays, so I will be home with both girls then (which should help).
Oh my...reality beckons. Am I ready for it?
Now, I know I'm a better mom when I'm working. I remember going back to work after Katie and thinking that it was weird because it was just so normal. I wasn't mom and I wasn't always on call - I was just me again. It's like there are so many parts of yourself, and after you have a kid, you have to figure out how to fit them all back together again. There's wife and mother and daughter and sister and friend and teacher (and I'm sure I'm forgetting a few) - and it's really hard to find time in the day for all of those. By the time I got pregnant with Hope, I had successfully reclaimed all of my previous self (but, that took three years - it's a long process and very hard to figure out), so I know I'm going to go through that again. Unfortunately, it's my self and my friends that suffer. I can do the work stuff and the mom stuff, but it's so difficult to find the time to do anything else once that's in your day. But - I did it once and I'll do it again (but it may take another three years - forgive me if I'm a bit late at getting back to a lunch date ;)
I've been trying to ease myself back in by making contact with some people about things I need to do when I get back and to cover some classes when I'm at a conference. I've done a few book reviews for extra cash and to get back in the swing of things. It's a slowly but surely kind of process. I'm very thankful that I only have to meet two of my classes in person - the other three will be online. While online can be taxing and annoying, it's at least easy to let go of those issues or turn them off.
I'm also a bit torn because after Katie was born, I would pick her up around noonish each day from daycare to spend more time with her (so much happens in that first year and I didn't want to miss anything). Brian thinks I can do the same with Hope - pick her up and leave Katie at daycare. I think this will be upsetting to Katie and that it's not even an option. Any thoughts? It would probably be one or two days a week picking up Hope at about noon or one and then Brian would get Katie at 4:30. I will be off-campus on Fridays, so I will be home with both girls then (which should help).
Oh my...reality beckons. Am I ready for it?
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