My further confliction

Subtitle...Monsignor should enroll in one of my writing courses.

Many of you will remember a previous post where I expressed my conflicted nature with the Catholic Church.  Clearly, that has not changed.  However, I was blessed to have a wonderful conversation with a person who I consider to be the embodiment of what a Christian should be, Dr. Jan Neuleib, over break and we had a long talk about the Catholic Church.  She reassured me that I could still go to my Church and hold onto my religion and just understand that slow change may eventually come.  But even if it doesn't, it's my heart and my beliefs that truly matter - not doctrine.  That's what I take to heart.

I was, however, heartbroken to open our bulletin in church this past weekend.  Many of you will dismiss our religion outright by what I reveal here, but please understand the conflicted nature this can create in those of us who truly believe in many of the tenets of the Church but believe that there are fundamental flaws that need to be fixed.  As an academic, I am already a bit too willing to question my faith, but deep inside my core is the same person who believes in my faith with my heart and soul.  I was raised in this faith from my birth and went to Catholic school and was raised in a very Catholic family.  Even knowing what I do and questioning what I do, I make the conscious choice to send my child (and eventually, children) to a Catholic school) to learn these same beliefs.  So to openly question and acknowledge how wrong some of them may seem does hurt my heart.

There were not only inserted handouts, but also personal memos from the Monsignor about two topics: Homosexual marriage and the new healthcare acts.  I could expound for hours on the nuances of what truly bothered and upset me about these handouts and op-ed pieces, but let me give you the parts that truly hurt my heart.

1) If your workplace offers birth control to any person, you should choose a means of resistance that will create a significant disturbance.  You should be fined for your beliefs or go to jail.  Above all else, you should not simple accept the fact that your employer (or, if you own the business, that you) are now offer the option of birth control to others.  Passive resistance is NOT an option.

2) Homosexual marriage is against nature.  There is no proven natural existence of two members of the same sex copulating; therefore, our position is not that it should not happen but that clearly it is unnatural.  It was stressed often that we do not support hate speech or violence against anyone, regardless of their sexual orientation, and that we welcome those of a homosexual nature.  However, it must be stressed that if you are homosexual, you must remain chaste.

*sigh*

I read that and wanted to vomit.  And this was all before Mass even began.

Then, as I was wandering around in the entryway (since cryrooms are now a thing of the past and we must freeze our keesters off if we want to bring small children to Mass), I listened to a homily that meant well but made me want to scream.  It was about how Catholics are leaving the church in the millions because they don't get anything from Mass.  We're going to mega-churches or other denominations because we want something more.

So, rather than expound upon what was in the bulletin (which, he mentioned, we should read) or discuss the book he passed out after communion (I haven't gotten to it yet - I'll let you know), he talked about how from now on he'll talk about things that are more important to us and relevant to us so that we get things from Mass.

Which made me want to pull out my lesson from week two of class called "Don't tell me what you're going to do - DO IT!"

Brian, on the other hand, was of the mindset that it was good that he recognized this gap and was going to work toward fixing it.

Either way....my heart is heavy.  I believe in the Holy Catholic Church at the core of its being and the Saints and Holy Mary and Jesus, God's only Son and in my God...but I believe we have taken a wrong turn.  I can only hope we find our way.