Do we ever grow up?

I ask this not to point fingers or to be accusatory - just, do we ever grow past the junior high clique-ishness that plagued me (and many others) for so many years.

Tomorrow, I go back to work.  This is our Celebration of Learning, which essentially means that I'll sit in a lot of meetings for a week.

The problem?  I'm no longer in the "in" group of faculty in my department.

I know this seems silly, but it's true.  I was very in for a couple of years, but after having Katie, I told some colleagues that I needed to back out of the social aspect of our life for a while.  I was struggling, really struggling with balancing life and work and husband and child.  I was stretched to my limit and couldn't handle it anymore.  Add to that more ear infections and sleepless nights than I, at that time, knew were possible, and you have one really exhausted and stressed out person.

Well, apparently, my "I need to take some time for myself" email was received as something else, because since that day, I have been less than welcomed by some people I used to consider my friends and support.  Apparently, my need to find a way to live a life with children and a job and keep any sort of sanity was also a snub to those who were my friends.

It was self-preservation.  I stand by it.

But since then, these meetings make me exceedingly uncomfortable.

Where do I sit?  With who?  How awkward will it be?

Honestly: I thought we were all over this point in our lives, but I was wrong.

So, tomorrow I will find a seat in the upper corner of the auditorium and do my best to be invisible.  I will avoid dinners, buffets, and lunches.  I will wait for the semester to start.